KEY POINTS:
A good week for ...
Blind Belgian daredevil Luc Costermans set a world record this week, topping 308.78km/h driving a Lamborghini Gallardo on a French airstrip. The 43-year-old, who was blinded in an accident four years ago, hit the top speed twice in the borrowed car at the Istres airbase in southern France. Sure, Costermans is brave all right, but spare a thought for the other key player. What sort of cojones do you have to have to loan a Lamborghini to a blind man who wants to set a speed record?
Big thumbs up for Gisborne surfer Maz Quinn who made it into the top 16 of the open men's competition at the world surfing games at Costa Da Caparica, in Portugal.
Steers burger chain in South Africa is cooking a Schalk Burger. We're waiting for Jannie de Beer's marketing people to follow suit.
Still on sporting-fastfood marketing links based on dubious heteronyms. The Mag-Pie has caught (the admittedly limited) attention of SuperShorts. It's the pie you eat when you're supporting the Hawkes Bay rugby team. And no, this pastry-coated hunk of Hastings does not contain a magpie. Contents: steak, cheese and bacon, not magpie.
No wonder he's miserable Turns out Manchester's arch-miserabilist, Morrissey, is a fan of Millwall. The big-jawed crooner has been seen sloping around LA moaning about the existence of meat and wearing a Lions shirt. He's expected to turn up for the club's next home match against fellow hooligan-revivalists Leeds tomorrow. Turns out he's more "Viva Hate" than "Your Arsenal".
Bad enough wasting a couple of sofa-bound hours playing football games on the PlayStation, but at least those games end with the full-time whistle. Football Superstars hits the stands next month and in it players will live the (virtual) lives of top players. When the final whistle goes, (virtual) players trot off to (virtual) bars to seduce (virtual) Wags. Great fun for computer gamers and their (virtual) friends.
A bad week for ...
Ever wondered what happens when really wealthy people who made their money doing really dodgy things in really dodgy places start to take an interest in your sport? England's FA is investigating claims of possible match fixing in a second-tier League Championship match after suspicious betting patterns were tracked with bookies in Asia.
The teams involved have not been revealed. The Sunday Telegraph revealed there had been "massive movement" in bets at half-time.
Ronnie Brown and two Miami Dolphins teammates are each $16,950 poorer after being fined by the NFL for excessive celebrating after Brown scored a touchdown on Sunday against San Diego. His shufflling dance in the end zone with offensive linemen Vernon Carey and Ikechuku Ndukwe fell foul of the league's Fun Police and their ban on choreographed celebrations. There'll be no more boogeying for Ndukwe. "No dancing for me," he said when asked how he would celebrate in future. "I'm running straight for the sideline."
Celebrations of a different sort were banned from Wembley for England's World Cup qualifier against Kazakhstan. Fans who turned up in mankinis were not allowed in.
After all that, it seems Lance Armstrong may not even ride in next year's Tour de France. Surely there is little point to a Lance Armstrong comeback that doesn't include the mad Gallic dash.
Poor old Mark Bosnich's seven-game A-League stint with the Central Coast Mariners could end with a fizzle as he sits out Sunday's match against the Phoenix with a crocked hamstring. Bosnich has had his trouble with officialdom - drugs, booze, more drugs - but an able (and similarly hot-headed) replacement stands ready: Danny Vukovic is back from a lengthy suspension for whacking the referee in last season's grand final.
