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A good week for ...
England's Queen of Awkward, Paula Radcliffe, has shown a fine stiff upper lip this week. The woman who has risen above her very public breakdowns and very public toilet breaks wasn't about to let a poisonous spider stop her march to Beijing.
"I was bitten by a spider three weeks ago and ended up being rushed into emergency. I kept thinking I was cursed, that somebody somewhere had a little doll of me and was sticking pins in it." You've got to admire someone who so ardently refuses to accept that the Gods of Athletics are out to get her.
Return of the Special Project! Isaia Toeava will be chuffed to have found his ticket proved the winner as Graham Henry spins the rotation roulette one more time. Rudi Wulf misses the plane to South Africa, Piri Weepu is on board and Richard Kahui, presumably, is still a winger. Ah, Toeava's return brings back fond memories: we haven't seen the Special Project in an All Blacks jersey since ... since ... Cardiff? Against France? Coming on the field for Nick Evans ... Oh dear.
It's been a great week for the legendarily incompetent Newcastle defensive line. They're due to face Manchester United in the first round of the Premier League next Sunday and some west African virus has done what most Premier League defenders couldn't manage last season by bringing down Wayne Rooney. The Baby Elephant will miss the first couple of weeks of the competition as he sniffles his way out of illness. With Cristiano Ronaldo also hobbled and sulking on the sidelines, what chance has Portsmouth to bag the Charity Shield this weekend? A bloody good chance, that's what.
Barcelona are the losers with news that pint-sized genius Lionel Messi is to light up the Olympic soccer tournament. His buck-toothed ex-Barca colleague Ronaldinho may look a flabby shadow of the man he once was, but the world expect wonders from little Messi. Even Diego Maradona agrees that Messi is the most exciting Argentine talent since, er, Diego Maradona. Barcelona and Argentina have been locked in dispute over Messi's release, the Spanish giants wishing to protect a star player who has had repeated thigh injuries in recent years and needing their playmaker for the Champions League qualifiers. If he makes it on to the pitch, Argentina's chances of defending their 2004 gold medal will be much stronger.
What a week for fans of grassroots rugby! The old-school upsets of the provincial series' first round have backed the relegation-crazed NZRU into a corner. Hats off to Manawatu, Northland and Counties Manukau.
A bad week for ...
It was a very bad week for athletes in Beijing hoping to get laid. The Olympic village - usually a hotbed of post-competition action - is a distinctly non-party zone. No free condoms, no beer fridges in the rooms and a 1990s pop disco that shuts at midnight. "I haven't seen any bags of frangers [condoms]," said Australian Amber Halliday, a world champion rower. "But the Australian Olympic Committee has a big bowl out on the table and you can help yourself." Now that's proper preparation.
Mwaah. That's the sound of Andy Burnham, the UK Secretary of State for Culture, and Sport, putting the kiss of death on Britain's medal hopes. "This will be the biggest Olympics yet and the GB team goes into it better prepared than ever before. Other countries and old rivals like Australia now look to us as a country that got serious about sport and are now saying they are in danger of falling behind Team GB in the medal table." Ten quid says the convicts beat their old masters on the table yet again.
Sonny Bill Williams has let down the fans by scarpering, right? Then what would Bulldogs chief executive Todd Greenberg be doing to the club's famously loyal and famously Sydney-based fans by relocating the club to the Gold Coast? "I reckon every Sydney club NRL chief executive should be looking at Gosford," says Greenberg. "If you don't look at it, you haven't done your job. You would be silly not to look at it."
Dual Olympic discus champion Virgilijus Alekna found his Beijing training site covered in dog poo. "Dogs were doing what animals usually do, defecating and peeing," the Lithuanian said of the stadium used for a dog show on Sunday. "There were lots of dogs and they have left lots of things behind. ... and nobody even tried to collect them. I have no idea how can I train in such conditions ... and who would clean the discus after every throw?"