Some of the scarce souls who are here have scepticism about women’s football, or football in general, or annoying football people who insist it’s called football.
But look past that and this World Cup will be worth watching for a simple reason: it’s super fun to have multiple games of high-stakes sport in your timezone every day.
The World Cups we care about often lack in that regard: later this year in France, the All Blacks will go five weeks between meaningful matches.
But when a tournament has 32 teams, and physical demands allow those teams to play every few days, it adds up to so much sport. Starting Thursday, there are 48 games in the first 15 days, almost all in reasonable viewing hours.
Get moderately invested and it doesn’t matter who’s involved – gimme Costa Rica facing Zambia with a knockout spot on the line in Hamilton.
For the still sceptical, though, there is more good news...
2. Women’s football is a great watch
As you should soon discover, women’s football has all the athleticism and artistry of men’s football but less of the gamesmanship (happily for fans of shithousery, there is still some gamesmanship).
The action can be more open, less prone to the tactical rigidness that often afflicts men’s matches when tournament lives are on the line.
And – apologies to women’s goalkeepers if this gets rude – players seem more willing to unleash unconventional shots, because those wearing gloves aren’t all 6′ 5″ with the reach to seriously complicate scoring from distance.
Anyone who watched the Phoenix women last season witnessed some wild games and goals. Sure, most of both went against Wellington, and the Football Ferns will likely struggle similarly for impact beyond the first week of this World Cup, but that hardly detracts from the entertainment.
Catch a few games and you’ll probably be entertained. If not, you’re allowed to totally ignore the next time one of the world’s biggest events is played in this country.
Ria Percival in action for the Football Ferns. Photo / Getty Images
3. Ready for our closeup
Promise we won’t bang on about the bigness, but this World Cup will have quite a cultural impact outside of all the sport. And Kiwis are into that kind of thing, right? Remember the Return of the King premiere? That was a good time.
This tournament will (sorry) be much bigger. The two favourites are from media markets that dominate ours, and for the next few weeks there’s little other important sport in the US or England.
That influential section of the world will be fixed on New Zealand (and Australia) and that makes us feel special, like we’re not attractive only to billionaires seeking boltholes.
The American and English spotlight will also be brightly complemented by the 14 other nations visiting these shores, the teams and travelling supporters adding colour and spark to another winter typically lacking in both.
4. Plot against America
Personally, watching the United States Women’s National Team – or the USWNT as they’re catchily known – ranks up there in world sport. All going to plan, seeing them play a World Cup semifinal at Eden Park on August 15 will be an unforgettable experience.
That said, I get it. It’s America. The world No 1, the four-time Olympic gold medalists, the two-time defending champions.
Plus, it’s America. We don’t need to get into all of that, but fair to say their global reputation has taken the odd hit since the golden days of, uhh, the Revolutionary War?
So, while I won’t be joining, go wild for the next few weeks. It’s always fun to root against the favourites, and knowing the soft hearts of Kiwi mums everywhere, these favourites will win few fans when, for their first trick, they put double-digit goals past poor Vietnam in Auckland on Saturday afternoon.
5. Take a break from rugby, before the rugby
For many, this World Cup’s biggest impact involved the All Blacks being forced to play at Mt Smart instead of Eden Park.
That 10km trip across town worked out well for them — and using this tournament to break up all the rugby will work out well for you.
The All Blacks play only twice during this event, meaning aside from those 160 minutes, there is some time to fill for a healthy sporting fix.
Maybe, instead of giving into natural urges and devouring more rugby, any rugby, consider a palate cleanser ahead of the main course in France.
Maybe make the most of this opportunity. It’s not too common for our stadiums to be filled by some of the world’s best.
And the rugby will be back before you know it. In Dunedin, New Zealand’s final group game against Switzerland is six days before the All Blacks host the Wallabies at the same venue.
One game might be must-win, history on the line. The other features the Wallabies. Do yourself a favour and watch both.
