KEY POINTS:
Thirty-two years ago England rolled up to Perth for the second test of their Ashes series.
Then, as now, they held the little urn. Then, as now, they were in a pickle. They'd been duffed up in the first test at Brisbane where the new- ball terrors, Dennis
Lillee and Jeff Thomson, had taken pieces off them.
They arrived in Perth counting bruises and tenderly touching their ribs.
Injuries to the top order had led desperate selectors, on a dark winter's night, to phone Colin Cowdrey, days short of his 42nd birthday, portly, almost four years gone from test cricket, sitting by the fire in his slippers listening on the wireless.
In a cricketing version of the famous Lord Kitchener poster from World War I, Cowdrey was told "your country needs you".
He arrived in Perth, 20 years after making his test debut, and the next day was batting with David Lloyd in a 40C furnace, and not only in the air.
Facing Thomson for the first time, Cowdrey dabbed a single, trotted to the non-striker's end. As the game's most terrifying bowler walked back past the umpire, Cowdrey leaned across, hand outstretched and said: "I don't believe we've met. The name's Cowdrey." Thomson's reply was short and blunt.
Cowdrey later revealed that Lloyd, one of cricket's funny men, made one of the nicest gestures he could remember in that innings.
Big medium pacer Max Walker was trundling away at one end while the heavy artillery were taking turns firing their cannons at the other.
Fearing for the middle-aged man's safety, he told Cowdrey: "You stay down here and take Walker because it's all going off up my end."
Ah, the days when courtesies were still alive and men were men. But pluck wasn't enough then and that series was lost 4-1 and, as they say, England were lucky to get one.
Think of Perth this weekend. Plus ca change, and all that. Once again the Ashes are on the point of changing hands. In fact, here's a punt: the Aussies will be chanting their victory song tomorrow night.
England are toast and you even need to search hard to find much in the way of intestinal fortitude. Where's "Bumble" Lloyd and his guts when they need him? Sitting in the commentary box, as it happens, taking the well-trodden route of many old players, although in Bumble's case he doesn't spout the tosh some of his chums do.
And when the post-mortems are done - and bet your last dollar they'll be numerous and scathing - top of the pile will be the folly of leaving Monty Panesar out of the first two tests.
Talk about making a prompt statement. Five for 92 on his first day of an Ashes test speaks volumes for the negative mindset surrounding this English team.
Panesar will get clouted from time to time, as he did on Thursday. But he gets wickets. He gets good players out. You weigh the positives with the other stuff. You take a chance and back the attacker. Instead timid England shied away, took the safe and stolid alternative in the form of Ashley Giles and look where it's got them.
Speaking of fine messes, there have been plenty of hard day's Knights in their two seasons in football's A-League for the New Zealand operation, and their Australian bosses have understandably cried "enough".
The Knights can argue all they like about who owes what, but they were duds last season and barely better this campaign. With lousy timing, there have been signs recently that they've got a handle on what it takes to survive.
Indeed, they could easily have beaten Adelaide United, who are no slouches, last weekend and could have picked up points on several occasions earlier in the season. But the point is, they didn't. They haven't pulled their weight, either in terms of quality football or getting bums on seats at North Harbour Stadium.
Spectators aren't going to pay good money to watch rubbish. And it all started so promisingly.
Who remembers Malik Buari's blazing shot to beat Adelaide in round two? There they were, up at the top looking down. But when the slide started, like a rock rolling downhill, the longer it went the harder it was to stop.
There is a desire from the Football Federation of Australia to keep New Zealand afloat. Remember the dark days of the Warriors and Breakers?
A final thought: change the name. Bury the Knights with the Kingz and this time start afresh - and don't start with a K.
