By TERRY MADDAFORD
Michael Utting has been to hell and back more times than he cares to remember.
He fought back from a broken neck to resurrect a football career which he then threatened to drink away.
Life has been a drunken blur for many of his 32 years.
Being kicked out of
the All Whites brought it all to a head. It was time to sit down, look back and take that most important step in owning up to the problem which threatened to finish not only his life on the field but off it, too.
"I would have killed myself or worse, someone else, if I had kept drinking," said goalkeeper Utting, who is close to signing a one-year contract with the Football Kingz.
"I have no problem admitting I'm an alcoholic. I feel great when I can say I haven't had a drink for 65 days.
"I'm not ashamed of being an alcoholic, but I am ashamed of some of the things I have done. When I drank I did not know when to stop.
"Sure, it was a bit of a shock when I was kicked out of the All Whites but, really, I was quite relieved. It brought everything to a head.
"Now that I am being given another chance, I just want to play football. Everyone has their demons. I'm not trying to hide mine."
In entering discussions with the Kingz, Utting turned his back on an offer to return to South Africa where he could have expected five times the money he will get with the Auckland-based club.
"But my life is more important than money. If I had gone back [to South Africa] I would probably have killed myself within six months.
"I am grateful for what the Kingz and, in particular, Chris Turner, Ken Dugdale and Stu Jacobs have done for me.
"The first thing they said to me when we sat down to look at my future was, 'How can we help you?' That broke the ice for me. Getting this chance is a life-and-death thing for me."
Utting has also received encouraging support from team manager Barry Williams, who has travelled the same bumpy road.
"A month ago I did not know Barry. But he has come across as a cool, lovely man who I can look to as a mate. He has already given me a lot of guidance.
"I have also had tremendous support from Chris Jackson, who I regard as one of my very best friends.
"I don't want to let people like him and David Chote down."
New Zealand Soccer bosses have also given tacit support to Utting.
"In no way is the door closed on his future as an international goalkeeper," NZS chief executive Bill MacGowan said. "But he knows what is expected."
Utting said: "I'm not scared of anything. It is quite refreshing to speak about it. Like cancer, alcoholism is a sickness. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm just happy it is out in the open."
Turner hopes to complete contract negotiations with Chote (who is acting as Utting's agent) this week.
"We are putting a support mechanism in place to protect us and him," Turner said. "He will be treated like any other player. Sure, we had some concerns about his living arrangements, but those have been sorted out.
"We believe ultimately it comes down to Michael. If he wants it to work, he is the one who will make it work. If he steps out of line he is well aware of the consequences."
Determined there will be no repeat of the incidents in Guadalajara and Auckland where drinking led to the breaking of team curfews, Utting said he is fully aware of the boundaries.
"I have no qualms. They did the right thing in kicking me out. If I hadn't been taught a lesson, I would have carried on.
"I'm very lucky."
By TERRY MADDAFORD
Michael Utting has been to hell and back more times than he cares to remember.
He fought back from a broken neck to resurrect a football career which he then threatened to drink away.
Life has been a drunken blur for many of his 32 years.
Being kicked out of
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