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Home / Sport / Football / Football World Cup

Richard Hinds: Soccerwhos facing world of woe

By Richard Hinds
NZ Herald·
15 Jun, 2018 05:00 PM5 mins to read

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Chelsea star Olivier Giroud and teammate N'Golo Kante plus Atletico Madrid ace Antoine Griezmann are just part of the roll call of French footballing royalty. Photo / Getty Images

Chelsea star Olivier Giroud and teammate N'Golo Kante plus Atletico Madrid ace Antoine Griezmann are just part of the roll call of French footballing royalty. Photo / Getty Images

As Crocodile Dundee might have said, "That's not France. Now that's France!"

The All Blacks vanquished their French opposition in the first test. But the rugby version of Les Bleus are, to borrow the vernacular of the American alt-right, just a bunch of cheese eating surrender monkeys compared with what the Australian football team faces tonight in Russia.

The Socceroos' opening Fifa World Cup game is, to anyone other than the most deluded rubber-inflatable kangaroo waving "Oi Oi Oi" merchant, the group stage in a nutshell. The classic mismatch between footballing nobility stretching its hamstring on the way to the pointy end of the competition and plucky minnows hoping that, at the very best, they can eke out a result that ensures their World Cup hopes are not virtually ended in game one — as was the case when the Socceroos lost 4-0 to ruthless Germany at the World Cup in South Africa 2010.

The French team sheet, replete with champions from big European clubs, confirms their first-class status. Chelsea stars Olivier Giroud and N'Golo Kante, and Atletico Madrid ace Antoine Griezmann are just part of the roll call of footballing royalty.

The Socceroos? Some handy top-flight performers including the ultra-reliable Brighton goalkeeper Mat Ryan and Huddersfield playmaker Aaron Mooy; the off-the-bench experience of now 38-year-old former Everton star Tim Cahill; the potential brilliance of the World Cup's youngest player, 19-year-old Daniel Arzani.

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But, predominantly, Australia is fielding a modest squad that will rely heavily on the factors that make it possible for Fifa to hold a reasonably competitive World Cup with 32 teams when, in higher scoring sports, the gap between best and worst would be exaggerated too greatly — grit, luck and the opposition having an off day.

Some Socceroos supporters would bristle at the team's alleged minnow status, aligning them, as it does, with other despised World Cup outsiders such as the 1000/1 shots Panama, Saudi Arabia and Tunisia.

Australian football suffered an identity crisis during qualification. Having made the bold prediction the Socceroos should strive to one day win the World Cup, coach Ange Postecoglou played with an attacking formation some pundits felt imperilled qualification — something not achieved until a home and away playoff against Honduras. But feeling his long term objectives were not supported by Football Federation Australia, and tired of the constant media hatchet jobs, Postecoglou walked away and was replaced by the experienced Dutch manager Bert Van Marwijk.

Thus the Socceroos have quickly reverted to the more pragmatic approach some believe is more likely to get results in Russia, and others claim will leave them on an eternal World Cup hamster wheel of qualification/early elimination, particularly if the FFA does not invest in meaningful development programmes.

The result is that tonight Australia will try to beat France, but mostly try not to lose too badly. Which is the kind of low expectation that guaranteed this World Cup's success from the moment the host nation was announced.

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You knew not to expect too much of Russia 2018 when its bid team survived a corruption investigation because they had conveniently "lost" the computers in which allegedly incriminating evidence was stored. Apparently, there is no Russian word for iCloud.

That's before you even consider Russia's recent convictions for the systematic doping of athletes, its human rights abuses including the state-sponsored victimisation of homosexuals or its infamously racist football fans.

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This might not be the most cheery note on which to contemplate what will be, for most, a joyous international sports event. But Fifa's blatant refusal to impose its stated agenda of "social responsibility, human rights, environmental protections and gender equality" upon its host nations remains as astonishing as anything Cristiano Ronaldo or Lionel Messi will produce on the pitch.

Perhaps fittingly, almost as much has been made of the teams who did not qualify for Russia as those who have.

These include four-time champions Italy. Although such is the Azzurri's cockroach-like qualities you wouldn't be surprised if they became the first team to win the trophy without making the finals.

Something else has been missing from the World Cup lead-in, the hopelessly optimistic reports that England can somehow defy its inflated sense of entitlement and multiple media-driven distractions and repeat the long-ago glory of 1966.

Brazil, Germany, Spain and France look far more talented. But perhaps this so far understated, uncontroversial and relatively WAG-free England outfit can exceed the performance of more heralded versions and, at the very least, not embarrass themselves.

Significantly, Russia 2018 might be the last 32-team World Cup with Fifa hoping to fry 48 nations under the blazing Qatar sun in 2022.

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This brings with it the chance of direct qualification for the Oceania Group and the hope the next World Cup will feature the Solomon Islands, Papua New Guinea, Fiji or, who knows, even New Zealand!

• Richard Hinds is a leading Australian sports columnist.

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