Better get this out of the way: part of the reason the football World Cup will be a grim watch is because I absolutely will be watching.
It would almost be easier to pretend to have morals and swear off the 64-game treat thatevery four years makes life worthwhile. But for the morally bankrupt and/or World Cup obsessives among us, that’s just not possible.
So, it will be watched, it will be grim, because the tournament should not be happening. And it wouldn’t be happening were it not for 22 greedy old men.
Those men formed the Fifa executive council who in 2010 voted for Qatar — a country smaller than the Northland region — to host the world’s biggest sporting event.
We don’t need Benoit Blanc to figure out why Fifa made that decision: the US Justice Department later alleged that Qatar bought the votes, and of those 22 men, 14 have since been linked to corruption.
One was former Fifa president Sepp Blatter, who last week rudely reminded everyone he was still alive by saying it was a “mistake” to hand Qatar the World Cup.
What a revelation. Giving the sport’s showpiece event to a nation with fewer than 7500 registered footballers — New Zealand has 20 times more — was a mistake. Hope nothing bad came from it.
A comedian made a statement in 2015 by throwing money at then-Fifa President Sepp Blatter during a press conference. Photo / Getty
2. Little hard work never hurt
What happens when Fifa errs and allows a country with no football infrastructure to host an event whose previous edition was in Russia (big) and next is in the continent of North America (also big)?
There’s a bit of building to be done, that’s what, and this is one area in which Qatar excels. It excels by exploiting migrant workers, but still. Shit gets built.
Seven stadiums, an airport, countless roads and hotels, one honest-to-god brand new city. But at what cost?
The Guardian last year reported that more than 6500 migrant workers had died in Qatar since it was awarded hosting duties. Compounding the tragedy, many had paid recruiters to work in the country with the hope of lifting their families out of poverty.
Instead, they had passports confiscated, lived in squalid group homes, were mistreated by employers ignoring labour laws, and received as little as US$250 a month from the oil-rich state.
The World Cup was shifted to winter because it was ludicrous for footballers to play in heat approaching 50 degrees. But it was fine for labourers to work in such conditions, heat that put even those in good health at risk of kidney failure and heart attacks.
Amnesty International earlier this year demanded Fifa and Qatar offer compensation to the workers and their families, urging a fund to match the tournament’s $440 million prize money.
Qatar’s labour minister labelled the idea a “publicity stunt”.
A migrant worker sleeps on a bench before his early morning shift, in front of Khalifa International Stadium, which will host matches during Fifa World Cup. Photo / AP
3. Pray the gay away?
Unlike the migrant workforce, Qatari citizens live pretty nice lives, as long as they’re straight dudes.
Women’s rights, on the other hand, are severely limited while same-sex relationships between men can be punished by imprisonment.
That might pose a problem for gay football fans travelling to the tournament. Thankfully, though, British foreign secretary James Cleverly has a solution: be less gay.
“One of the things I’d say to football fans is please do be respectful of the host,” Cleverly said. “With a little bit of flex and compromise at both ends, it can be a safe and secure World Cup.”
Fifa’s response, shockingly and unsurprisingly, was worse, pleading with teams to not “allow football to be dragged into every ideological or political battle”.
To recap: being gay is an ideology, and it’d be nice for fans of that ideology to tone it down, lest they disrupt the precious football.
4. Add injury to insult
The precious football better be good, amiright. Unfortunately, even now we mercifully focus on the actual sport, the news still ain’t great.
Turns out cramming a month-long tournament into the middle of the northern winter can be quite disruptive. The regular fixtures have to go somewhere and the congestion caused by more games and less recovery has inevitably led to a spate of injuries.
The problem is not the long-term absences that hinder all major events. This time, with domestic football being played the weekend before the World Cup, even minor knocks are ruling out players and ruining dreams.
The on-field product will be worse, exacerbated by a lack of preparation, and with more injuries coming, this World Cup may be a survival of the fittest.
5. Fake fans
All of the above makes one wonder: who exactly would want to attend this World Cup? You’d have to pay people to show up…which is what Qatar has been doing.
Worried a lack of fan presence could diminish what makes the World Cup great, organisers offered all-expense trips to fans of qualified teams. In return, they only have to sing what they’re told and spend two weeks posting positive vibes from the tournament.
Football Supporters Europe said these dupes should be considered employees of the World Cup and not fan representatives.
Any real fans making the trip will be overseen by “cultural interpreters” to ensure they avoid “unfortunate misunderstandings”. These misunderstandings include drinking, gathering in large numbers and removing shirts. In other words, being fans.
