KEY POINTS:
There's a right old rumble in British soccer now and it serves the useful purpose of reminding those of us who thought sexism was on its last legs, that it's rattling along in rude health.
Ever since their national game has been televised, the voice telling the viewers
what's going on has always been male.
Now someone's had the idea of blowing the cobwebs off the clause that "soccer commentators must possess a penis" from the job description as Jacqui Oatley, soccer's Emily Pankhurst, stepped behind the microphone for the Fulham-Blackburn Rovers match on the BBC's flagship footy show Match of the Day.
And the reaction? Shock, horror, former managers didn't like it; (male) sports writers harrumphed.
Dave Bassett, a Londoner now between managerial jobs but best known for lifting Wimbledon from the old fourth to first divisions in quick time en route to a famous FA Cup final victory in 1988, reckoned he'd change channels as commentating called for "an understanding of the game and tactics and in order to do that you need to have played the game".
Bollocks, but even so Oatley played soccer until injury put a stop to it at 27, five years ago.
The BBC's head of sport Roger Mosey said the decision was merit-based - are others not? - and made "to reflect the nation", whatever that means.
Simon Jordan, the owner of first division Crystal Palace, foolishly said he would not expect to hear a man commentating on netball. (Brendan Telfer, stop spluttering, I'll forward his email.)
Letters to editors included these samplings:
"Why are all women working at the BBC blonde?";" I'm not saying Jacqui got the gig just cause she's blonde, but the words Stepford and Wives spring to mind"; "She irritated the hell out of me, all that shrieking when the ball went anywhere near the goal"; and finally this ripper: "Football is a confrontational and often violent sport, so I think it is harder for a woman to express the testosterone-soaked nature of the game."
Former goalscoring great Gary Lineker, now MOTD presenter, offered this tosh: "Even the presence of our first female commentator could not inspire Fulham to victory."
And to cap it off, pundit Lee Dixon, a former Arsenal fullback, reckoned: "She did well, though, didn't she?"
Marvellous stuff. And there you were thinking certain English attitudes were rooted somewhere in the Stone Age, shame on you.
We should not mock them. For generations, the Brits have been brought up on men telling them what's going on, most famously Kenneth Wolstenholme.
His "They think it's all over ... It is now!" as Geoff Hurst's third goal, and England's fourth, sealed their greatest win, the 1966 World Cup final over West Germany, is soccer's most famous line.
For listeners, commentators are like your preferred tipple. Some of us are wine drinkers, others beer, others Midori and lemonade (parents, ask your teenagers). There's no such beast as the perfect commentator.
Oatley is different, for obvious reasons, from what's gone before her. But she's no stranger to headlines.
She was interviewing former UEFA president, the bluff old Swede Lennart Johansson, when he suggested companies sponsoring women's soccer "could make use of a sweaty, lovely looking girl playing on the ground. It would sell." In a certain market, absolutely.
As for Oatley's commentary career, Fulham and Blackburn Rovers is all very well; next stop Chelsea v Manchester United tomorrow? Can't wait.* We have the right World Cup final tomorrow. The two best teams are there. Australia's 3-0 Chappell-Hadlee Series loss seems light years away and they are strong favourites. Sri Lanka have matchwinners with bat and ball and thoroughly deserve to be there.
New Zealand did not deserve to be in the final because they botched it when they needed to perform at their optimum. That's what being on the big stage is all about.
Being impressive in the preliminaries is well and good but champions stand tall when it really matters. In this respect, New Zealand tripped up. They fluffed their lines against both finalists in the final week, so no excuses.
A winner? Sri Lanka.
