KEY POINTS:
I genuinely believed it couldn't get any worse.
Sky TV's Premiership coverage a few years back consisted of the opening credits, the game and the closing credits. Half-time was 15 minutes of the camera pointed at the stadium.
(And occasionally you would hear the half-time score in another
game that you wanted to watch without knowing the score, which is about as welcome as Sam Allardyce in a Bolton pub on matchday).
It would have been easier for Sky to simply broadcast a sign saying: "Stuff you footy-loving subscribers, we couldn't give a toss."
But this season it's different.
Sky has boosted its coverage.
Now we get little computer-generated graphics showing us the tricks that players use.
No, really. No expense spent.
Someone at Sky has read Alexei Lalas' Soccer for Dummies (yes, that book exists).
So far I've seen "the inside cut" and "the V", which come complete with a voiceover explaining what is happening.
Can you spell patronise? It's p-a-t-r-o-n-i-s-e.
Do the Sky suits think that people watching have no idea about the game? That some one who has never watched football before has decided at 4am on a Sunday to watch, for example, Middlesbrough against Derby? Or that the Glen Eden under-10s footy team is having a sleepover and needs some tips?
Is it really too much to ask for a media giant to buy some syndicated coverage from overseas with a couple of ex-players or managers to talk us through the best bits of a game?
We'd surely learn more than from an avatar performing an "inside cut" (which, by the way, has always been called a dragback).
And while I'm whinging about coverage, Sky seems to be using Star Trek to attract an audience.
Why, for a replay of Steven Gerrard's stunning free kick, for example, do the doors of the Starship Enterprise apparently open off-screen?
Sky feels the need to accompany every highlight and any lowlight be it a yellow card or even a substitute - with a sound effect of sliding doors.
If you're one of those people who forwards irritating circular email petitions, then here's one that could actually be useful:
Dear Sky,
Here's how to do it (and it's not that difficult).
1) Screen first half.
2) Show highlights.
3) Pay an ex-professional to analyse and comment on what happened.
4) Screen second half.
5) Repeat 2) and 3).
