48 hours: Fishing programmes the catch of the day

Since the Christmas weekend has been a live sport free zone, and rightly so, this is the perfect time to pay tribute to the unsung heroes of sports channels.

I refer to that much underestimated television genre - fishing shows.

This is the perfect time of year to give a gong to these shows, which bring so much pleasure to so many.

Not that the magic finds a place in this particular landlubber's heart. My idea of the perfect fishing boat is the trusty Honda, the best fishing spot is one with handy parking, and the bait which never fails is the folding stuff.

But for a lot of people, there's only one task worth tackling during the holidays and that's fishing.

For some, spending $40,000 on a boat, a further $10,000 on a car that's big enough to haul it around, and dragging the family halfway across the country to help float this project every weekend is the only sensible way of getting something to stick next to the chips. Fish shops are for losers.

Fishing is often mentioned as the highest participation sport in the land, and radio talkback hosts will tell you that when they turn the chat to fishing, switchboards light up like Christmas trees.

The high priests, the only recognisable stars, of this sport are television fishing show hosts. And they are abundant. On Saturday alone, three of the four main subscriber sports channels started the day with fishing programmes, and one of the main free-to-air channels joined the feast later.

Check through the nooks and crannies of the television listings and there are fishing programmes everywhere, and not just from this country. There was, apparently, even controversy in the fishing world this year when rival channels ran fishing shows at the same time.

There are various species of fishing show hosts. On one hand, established names rule imperiously over the waves. Then there are new, more energetic types who look like misplaced skate boarders. Members of this new breed have actually been known to get out of the boat and take cameras underwater - fishing's answer to stump-cam.

While fishing show personalities cover a range, there is a consistent element to fishing shows: the cooking section.

Not that I believe cooking holds much appeal to fishers. To them, a cooking section in the middle of a fishing show is held in the sort of regard that a rugby fan would reserve for a feature on washing muddy jerseys during a test match.

But the cooking sections help create the impression that fisher-people are also there for the fillets, not just the bonhomie, bravado and beer.

After years of research, I can reveal that there are not only two essential ingredients to any fishing show recipe, there are only two ingredients.

These are a frying pan and a large knob of butter, and the order in which they are used is invariably the same.

You put the frying pan on the heat and then add a knob of butter. Next, add the catch of the day. The major variation involves putting an extra knob of butter on top.

The only serious departure I've witnessed to this tried and true recipe came when a fishing show host started sprinkling stuff out of a bottle on to absolutely everything.

At one point, the guests were in danger of disappearing under this dust, as if buried by a volcano. Rest easy though. The magic ingredient turned out to be a sponsor's product. For most, the knob of butter still rules.

Cooking, as I've said, is a fishing show red herring. The real excitement is provided by the screech of spinning reels and the emergence of extremely reluctant stars, like a 10kg snapper.

This is the action that drags the audience in and keeps them coming back for more, in the way endless pictures of smiling fishers holding unsmiling fish get fishing magazine sales rocketing through the roof.

Grown men have even been known to record fishing shows, presumably because they're out fishing.

Rug rats who have a free run of the house for most of the time are bound and gagged while mum and/or dad are glued to the fishing show action. Seafaring characters who live for the salt air can be found in the lounge with curtains drawn, coffee in hand, transfixed by the latest tip on how to trap a trevally.

There are, it must be said, dissenting voices over fishing programmes.

I, for one, have a serious reservation over fishing's status as a sport.

If the basis for a contest is a level playing field, and since the fishers are allowed to use electronic fish finders, how come the fish aren't allowed boat detectors?

Yet my concerns pale against those expressed by others.

"I've got an opinion on fishing shows," a colleague announced. "They should be banned because they're the only show on telly in which you are allowed to advocate human beings killing for sport."

This isn't quite true, as anyone who has watched the teams playing against the football Knights will know.

But you get the point. The humans invariably come out as the winners, and the long-term career prospects of most of the featured fish are - it has to be said - very poor.

The fish get little chance to gain from the experience so they can improve next week. They get butter, but not better.