Graeme Miller's illustrious road racing career is under threat as he enters a painful rehabilitation period following surgery to fix a lower-back problem.
Having survived numerous race falls and the slings and arrows of selectorial indifference, he now fears he may have ridden competitively for the last time.
Miller, 41, underwent surgery
on a damaged disc in his spine on August 20 and he is not counting on returning to the saddle.
"This is major. I just don't know what the future holds for me. The unknown is the scary part," he said yesterday.
"I don't want to be a cripple, and I'm not prepared to ride my bike again if that's what could happen."
In a cruel irony for a competitor long considered the ironman of New Zealand cycling, Miller did not sustain the injury in a race fall.
At least there would have been some dignity in that for the multiple Commonwealth Games gold medallist, who has served his country with distinction at the top level for close to two decades.
The problem surfaced in April when he was lifting luggage between races with his professional team in the United States.
"I was lifting a suitcase and when I went to chuck it in the back of the car I tweaked my back."
Weeks later he was experiencing back pain and numbness down his left leg.
The problem flared again last month before he was diagnosed as having a bulged disc in his lower back.
Miller is now recuperating at home and expects it will be six to eight weeks before he knows whether he will ride competitively again.
"This is major. I just don't know what the future holds for me. The unknown is the scary part.
"The specialist has said that if all goes well I could get back on my bike.
"Then again, I may never ride again. There's just not enough known about it to predict what will happen."
He is now plagued by doubts about his ability to lead a normal life again.
"Will I be able to lift things? Will I be able to bend over on a bike?"
He is not a natural patient in that he has been pushing his body to the limit for more than 20 years, and has to temper his desire to rush his rehabilitation.
"For the first week I was in heaps of pain and I could hardly move. But since Monday it has been getting better.
"The specialist said that after two weeks I should be able to walk for two lots of 30 minutes a day.
"At the moment that's looking like one hell of a task, but I'm getting there."
- NZPA
