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BRISBANE - England paceman Steve Harmison admits he "froze" under pressure at the start of the Ashes series and that his shocker in the first test rekindled memories of the worst day of his career.
Harmison's technique, mental state and place in the team have all been scrutinised
since he sent down that remarkable wide on the first ball of the series last Thursday and then bowled horribly astray for match figures of one for 177.
As his confidence, position and friendship with captain Andrew Flintoff were questioned, Harmison admitted what the world strongly suspected.
"When it came to bowling the first ball, I froze," he said. "I let the enormity of the occasion get to me. It all seemed so alien to me.
"The first ball slipped out of my hands, the second did as well and, after that, I had no rhythm, nothing."
Amid the panic of his first-day efforts, Harmison had a flashback to England's 2002-03 Ashes tour, when he lost his run-up and bowled 16 wides in the tour opener in Perth.
"For a moment I had dire memories of the worst day of my entire career, when, in the first match of my last tour here at Lilac Hill, my bowling collapsed completely," Harmison wrote in his column in the Sunday Mail newspaper in England.
"And while I never felt I was going to lose it to that extent here, the harder I tried, the worse things got."
Harmison admitted there were "no excuses, no mitigating factors" for his Gabba blowout and attributed his struggles to his run-up, as he could never find the right approach.
But he said he bowled his "nuts off" trying to reclaim his best, and hit back at critics who have called for his axing before the second test in Adelaide starts on Friday.
"I've heard suggestions that I should be dropped for the second test," he said. "No one has an automatic right to a place, but does one game like this count more than the 46 caps I've won and the 180 test wickets I've taken?"
Harmison's fragility continued to prompt questions over how England should handle the strike bowler, who has also struggled with homesickness.
Former skippers Mike Atherton and David Gower agreed Harmison presented England with a tricky problem, particularly for Flintoff.
Atherton wrote in England's Sunday Telegraph newspaper that Harmison had looked like a liability in this match which presented the captain with a dilemma.
"Can Flintoff find it in himself to spell out a few home truths, or does he believe that the gentle approach afforded so far will work? It hasn't yet," Atherton wrote.
Gower wrote in the Sunday Times the tourists had to consider dropping Harmison if he did not respond positively.
- AAP