Dennis Lillee, from Over & Out, published 1984
A cricket newsletter from Beige Brigade HQ for New Zealand cricket fans who like a dose of optimism and a tablespoon of take the piss with their weekly cricket informational.
They said it was pretty bloody stupid to start a cricket newsletter in the middle of the New Zealand winter when farmers were making the news for spreading their hay in cool patterns so their sheep spell out words.
So I waited 'til spring and now all everybody wants to talk about is physicality at the breakdown and Warren Gatland and Japanophilia. I don't care. I'm with stupid. I write about cricket because I love it, not because it's cricket season. And besides, isn't it always cricket season?
Shane Warne incited rabid frothing of the mouth with his Test XI including Nathan Astle as an opener. For a slightly less bronzed and less diuretic edition, check out the NZ Cricket Museum's updated all-time NZ Test XI: the new faces are birthday boy Brendon McCullum and air conditioning expert Stephen 'Not Greg the yellow Wiggle' Fleming.
Rcently we've seen Brendon McCullum GoPro batting with Mahela Jayawardene in the Cricket For Heroes fundraiser, Hamish Marshall and Gloucestershire win the one-day comp in England (and Wales) and from the WTF Files, Blenheim-born Karl Fitzpatrick will play for Finland later in the year.
He of the magnificent curls, Hamish Marshall, was back in the cricket news this week as part of the all-conquering Gloucestershire one-day cricket side that took home their first trophy in 11 years. In his Marshall Law column he talks about PNG-Anglo-Australo-Welshman Geraint Jones, MBE a lot. Marshall and his wig are in the midst of their benefit year.
We don't normally stumble across things worth reading in the business section but we enjoyed Hamish Fletcher's profile of player agent extraordinaire and former stop/go road worker of Palmerston North, Bart Campbell. His former company, Essentially, signed 14 players into the inaugural IPL in 2008 - including Hamilton's finest, Scott Styris and Daniel Vettori.
Jimmy Neesham is excellent everywhere from the Otago middle order to the top of his bowling run-up to his lamb-like disposition to social media - this week he was abusing his younger self in a G-rated way on Instagram and in June he unleashed an unmissable Reddit AMA session: Q"What are you thinking as you are batting?" A: "Ok get through the first couple of balls. Jeez that was quick. Ok knuckle down here. Oooh that girl's quite pretty-Oi stop it, concentrate. Watch the ball. Shit that came off the bat quite nicely. I wonder how long it is til lunch? These pants are a bit tight, maybe I should get some new ones. Watch the ball. NO KANE NO. Come on mate there's no run there, jeez. Oooh it's lunch, I wonder if there's cheesecake?"
If you can make it past the droning buzziness of MCC president's David Morgan's intro, you will come across the most recent Cowdrey Lecture from none other than Rod 'Bacchus' Marsh. He mentions the underarm, but opens with a yarn starring Colin Cowdrey, DK Lillee and Glenn Turner at Arundel: "[Dennis] was belted from deck chair to deck chair around the picturesque ground as Turner raced towards his half century."
Congrats to 'passionate Kiwi' Jeetan Patel for being compared to Allan 'White Lightning' Donald and Brian The Prince' Lara for his efforts for the Warwickshire Bears in English county cricket: 50 wickets a season for four consecutive seasons is no mean feat. And he's been sledging his fellow spinners for being lazy too.
Finally, the It's Just Not Cricket Award goes to this middle-aged streaker at Ordsall Bridon v Welbeck. It looks cold. Andy Legg from Ordsall said: "We don't know who he is, I haven't seen him before. Perhaps he had a few beers, although it was a bit early for a few beers."
Make sure you get plenty of forward defensive practice with your umbrella in this week.
Paul Ford, 12th man again
Most weeks we will give something away from the Beige Brigade wood panel dining room. This week email beigehq@beigebrigade.co.nz with the story behind your favourite cricketer's nickname at any level of cricket - backyard, club, domestic or international. The best yarn will land a special Beige Brigade onesie and feature in the column next week.
Watch: Compton Cricket Club
"The civility that it brings upon the player who plays correctly."
Listen: The BYC Podcast: The Masterton Modi Episode
Kev is deep diving into the South African frocks and pot tour of 1995 and the boys get stuck into the great yarn about John Guy and the Excalibur back story - and can't get the line about 'no one is inferior without their consent' out of their heads."
Read: Lost Playgrounds
by Dylan Cleaver
"As Auckland twists and bends to accommodate more people, more cars, more houses, it would be foolish to think that where we go to worship now will still be there tomorrow."
Read: The man behind Excalibur
by Brydon Coverdale
"Shoulder pads were a fashion statement in the 1980s, but in cricket it was quite the opposite: the Excalibur bat used by Cairns had no shoulders at all. He looked less a cricketer holding a bat than a caveman wielding a club. And where is that Excalibur bat now? Not with Cairns...suburban Melbourne.
Paul Ford is a co-founder of the Beige Brigade, and one-seventh of the Alternative Commentary Collective. You can email him here beigehq@beigebrigade.co.nz.