KEY POINTS:
When I sat down on Friday night to watch the first session of play of this second test, it really hit me for the first time.
I have no trust or belief in our test match team, only hope. I wanted to enjoy the play, and for the
most part I did, but I did so with an overwhelming sense of fatalism.
Sure, the drawn first test was a creditable performance but so was the test win in game one of the home series last summer and look what eventually happened. Nothing in the recent past of New Zealand test cricket should warrant feelings of security and trust in our team.
It is a sad truth that the cricket powers lack trust in our abilities, too. The worst mistrust being our ability to deliver a competitive and stimulating series and thus a financially enticing series.
What have we become? We have become the curtain-raiser and, as far as India is concerned, a necessary evil in the future tours programme.
I was, however, pleased to hear Daniel Vettori at the conclusion of the first test say that, regardless of what we scribes may think, the team still think they are a good cricket team. I guess he has to say that, doesn't he?
I was more pleased to hear Jacob Oram openly admit to having ongoing problems with Ryan Sidebottom. It takes great strength to admit to your fears and a great deal of self-belief that you can overcome them if you are prepared to admit them to your adversaries.
The only thing that will give the Black Caps self-belief is the same thing that will give us followers belief too - consistency of performance.
When was the last time we had some consistency and a public with a comfortable sense of belief? I hate to say it, but the mid-1980s.
They had a match winner with the ball and one with the bat, things this current team don't have.
Sir Richard Hadlee took wickets and Martin Crowe scored big runs but, importantly, both players were supported by capable journeymen.
While we grizzle about the batting of the current side I believe there is actually more star quality in the current line-up than in the '80s.
Ross Taylor, Brendan McCullum and Oram match up well with Martin Crowe, Jeff Crowe/Ken Rutherford and Jeremy Coney. However, as for journeymen in support, we're a far cry from John Wright, Bruce Edgar and Andrew Jones just yet.
It's the bowling right now that scares me the most. We have no spearhead.
Chris Martin is valiant but not far from going to the knackers' yard to be remembered as a very good stayer. Kyle Mills could be Ewen Chatfield-like but does he want to be a supporting act?
It's Tim Southee I place my faith in but what scares me is he's all back to front. Where were Richard Hadlee, Glen McGrath, Craig McDermott and Malcolm Marshall at age 19? They were fire and brimstone and all over the place.
I hope starting as medium fast and controlled is the way to future match-winning qualities.