Chris Rattue: From radical to ridiculous as new order takes over

The placing of bowler Kyle Mills at No 3 in the batting line-up against South Africa may have been derided in some circles, but the critics simply don't understand our exalted place in world cricket relies on innovative thinking. From Daryl Tuffey's bid to introduce 14-ball overs to the determination to have our best players on the Sky commentary team, this country has taken the game to new frontiers.

As the selectors ponder the team to play the second test against South Africa, this column encourages the visionary approach by suggesting the following line-up for the first innings of a coming test match. Naturally, it could be reworked for the second innings.

OPENERS: Peter Fulton/Jacob Oram

Fulton's final chance in the position of death before he is dropped and spends the rest of his life running a shoe shop in Addington. There was plenty of thought given to partnering "Two Metre Peter" and wee Brendon McCullum as a way to confuse opposing opening bowlers about where to pitch bouncers. Teams have long used left and right-handed openers, but once again, New Zealand can lead by partnering a giant and a midget to put bowlers off their length.

The Fulton/McCullum experiment may have to wait until satellite communication is installed in cricket helmets, however. And besides, McCullum can't bat everywhere, even though it would be a big help if he could. Oram's promotion allows McCullum to "move down the order", a phrase that is essential in any story about the New Zealand team. Oram also gets the job because he's the only one Fulton might be able to hear up there. Critics will call this a flimsy theory on which to select the openers, but that has never stopped the selectors.

No 3: Gavin Larsen

About the only person left in New Zealand Cricket to whom the term "bank on" could be applied. Logos, advertising signs and subliminal advertising don't get a fair go in sport and the selection of a bank rep would finally give sponsors their long overdue chance to really bombard the public. Larsen could use a bat that looked like a credit card. His selection allows Mills to move down the order to No 4, which is where he feels more comfortable and allows this story to use "down the order" again. Larsen edges out Mathew Sinclair, who spends so long batting in domestic cricket that, as theory No 746 goes, he's too knackered for tests.

No 4: Kyle Mills

Mills established himself in the top order in the second innings of the recent test but can't expect to hog No 3 so actually - come to think of it - moves both up and down the order. Wow. There's a new, innovative, phrase. Mills built his reputation for a sound temperament and brilliant defensive technique by going three consecutive seasons without falling to a slip catch during net sessions and an even more remarkable five seasons without being run out during practice.

The move represents the brave new thinking in world cricket. Australia was plodding down the traditional path, using the horribly predictable Ricky Ponting at No 3, but followed New Zealand's lead and found brilliant early success with a Jason Gillespie double century.

So New Zealand, again, shows more cutting edge than a modern razor. As an all-rounder, Mills is the nearest thing we've got to another Jacob Oram, who is the nearest thing we've got to another Chris Cairns, who is the nearest thing we've had to Garry Sobers. Which puts Mills in fine company. Mills also brings out gritty defence in those around him - especially the New Zealand selectors.

No 5: Shane Bond

It's remarkable that the obvious solution to Bond's injury problems, to play him solely as a batter, has not been tried before. For a country that prides itself on cricket experimentation, one can only believe that only Bond's pig-headed determination to take 50 test wickets has prevented the selectors from giving our only world-class player a chance in another position. Moves up the order.

No 6: Lou Vincent (captain)

Yes, I know. An extraordinary selection, to pick a man so close to his true position. Conventional New Zealand thinking would have Vincent vying with McCullum and Hamish Marshall for the final two speed spots, but we say no. This is a time to break free of the shackles with Vincent's selection at No 6. Furthermore, and hold on to your hats here, we say pick him for two games in a row. Vincent beats out Nathan Astle, who is dropped for failing to agonise over his technique.

No 7: Daniel Vettori

You want to be an all-rounder, son - well be one. It's time to chuck Vettori the wicketkeeping gloves; he's been wasted all these years, bowling and batting and nicking the captaincy off Stephen Fleming at every chance while skiving off from the hard work. Giving our only decent, half-fit bowler a rocket will send a message to everyone else. Motivational innovation.

No 8: John Bracewell

A snazzy way of getting match-hardened experience without an additional wage. A rare chance to gain an extra edge by picking the coach - most test coaches don't qualify on nationality grounds. Bracewell still has an uncanny ability to make batsmen tentative and invariably ties them in knots - and that's just during his team talks.

No 9: Stephen Fleming

Gets this pivotal role in an exciting new exchange student-type deal with Kyle Mills. The No 4 and No 9 positions are sister city sorts, where young men can swap lifestyles and see how the other half lives. Will help attract adventurous types to the game. Mills also gets to take over Fleming's deodorant advertising campaign during the swap, with the manufacturers set to re-launch their product as The Underarm Bowler.

No 10, 11: Hamish Marshall/Brendon McCullum

Both move down the order. Once again, the razor-sharp thinking in New Zealand cricket should deem that the final two batsmen are seen in terms of a partnership. Too often, our No 11s have been left exposed by having to bat with an opener they've only just met and whom they - along with everybody else - will never see again. The key attribute here is speed, to have players who can get off the ground quickly and purposefully after a collapse. This staves off the impression of another crisis.

There has never been enough emphasis on running between the wicket and the dressing room - New Zealand has had too many tailenders who dawdle off looking lost, giving the impression they feel about as important as the bloke in the Corrs. It's a bad look.

To sceptics who say we need opening bowlers down here, we counter that both men can bowl a bit, which has been good enough for legions of New Zealand's medium pacers. There are also promotional opportunities, a chance for test cricket to match the razzmatazz of Twenty20 by having the No 10 and 11 combo use synchronised departure running techniques. There would be no need to have pegs clamped to the nose (although New Zealand supporters might choose to wear them) but it could add a really interesting flourish.

12th MAN: Bryan Waddle

Still disappointed not to have fielded when New Zealand ran out of players on tour once, in an era when it would still have been a surprise if a radio commentator got to play for New Zealand. Modestly stayed out of the side when assisting Sir Richard Hadlee as a selector, and surely deserves a chance. Another innovation - to bring listeners nearer the action.

NEXT WEEK: Fulton talks exclusively to this column about his determination to win back a test place.