48 hours: Politicians - keep out if you don't understand

They took some convincing, but New Zealand's politicians finally seem to be understanding the basic tenets of a legal contract even though it took a read-my-lips type statement from the International Cricket Council before the penny dropped.

As international sporting embarrassments go, the recent series of ham-fisted attempts to stop the tour must rate near the top of the list and it would be no surprise to learn that New Zealand Cricket officials are still rocking in the foetal position this morning.

Just how many times Foreign Minister Phil Goff and the Green's co-leader Rob Donald needed to be told that only a binding piece of legislation could prevent the tour is anyone's guess, but it wasn't until Saturday that they finally seemed to understand.

That is, at least Goff seemed to understand. As late as yesterday Donald was still languishing under the delusion that a teacher's note from the Government could prevent the visit.

This level of naivety would've been greeted with some bewilderment by New Zealand's fellow ICC members, who watched from a distance as Goff and Donald blundered around in ever-decreasing circles, seemingly unable to grasp the fundamental points of the argument.

First there was the colonial crusade planned by Goff, an idea that fell flat on its face once he realised that the Empire was no more, and that the ICC was in fact run by a band of independent nations.

Then, just as the laughter over that move had died down, along came Goff and Donald with the idea that a show of hands, or a statement from Parliament could be enough to allow the Black Caps to renege. Amazing. Did they really think it would be that simple? Did they really think that England would have toured Zimbabwe last season, not long after white farmers had been driven off their farms, if that was all it took to back out?

Right from the start, it had been spelled out that only a binding law change could prevent the tour going ahead; that all this talk of force majeur (as in an act of God) clauses, or petitions to the ICC had no substance.

And it wasn't rocket science by a long stretch. The facts were that New Zealand Cricket were legally bound to send a team to Zimbabwe unless they were formally prevented from doing so. A message of concern just wouldn't cut the ice.

For all that, easily the most dim-witted plan came from the office of Progressive leader Jim Anderton, who proposed allowing the cricketers to tour Zimbabwe, but only if they played under another name, as if they weren't really there.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall at ICC headquarters when that gem was explained to the executive. Laughter? Think rolling on the floor choking.

It's got to the stage now that you have to wonder if our politicians are really listening, or whether they're simply dreaming up another way of jumping on the cricket bandwagon, in order to get some air time in the run up to the election.

Opening supermarkets and malls is so passe these days, and the meningococcal threat has put paid to kissing babies. Cricket, on the other hand, is a soft touch and carries no consequences.

This is apparently in stark contrast to our attitude towards China, which incidentally beat the Tall Blacks in Jinjiang on Saturday, at about the same time Goff was asking the ICC to reiterate its touring stance on Zimbabwe.

Hopefully he, and any other politicians wanting to grab some traction before the election can now find some other poor blighters to pick on.