Cricket: Dark humour in grey day for Black Caps

By MARK GEENTY

LEEDS - John Bracewell emerged from his most calamitous day as New Zealand cricket coach with more good humour than after some of his victories.

As he observed, things became so bad there was nothing more to do but laugh despite New Zealand's dire position of staring at an unassailable 0-2 series deficit against England in the second test at Headingley today (NZ time).

After four days New Zealand were 102 for five in their second innings, still trailing by 15 runs overall after England plundered 526 in their first innings against a friendly New Zealand bowling effort.

When Daniel Vettori limped off the field, leaning heavily on physiotherapist Dayle Shackel after tearing his left hamstring, the tourists were reduced to 10 fit players and for a moment Bracewell was an outside chance to don the whites for his first test since 1990.

At least New Zealand had the makings of a fairly useful substitute 11 on the sidelines: former captains Jeremy Coney, Martin Crowe and Ian Smith in various commentary boxes, Danny Morrison filming excerpts for his weekly television show, and of course Bracewell.

But they found their fielding sub in the most unlikely place - the hostile Western Terraces where the atmosphere was electric throughout.

"We found (Auckland batsman) Rob Nicol on the terraces this afternoon, luckily before he went to the bar," Bracewell said.

It hadn't quite reached the state of New Zealand's 1988 test against India in Bangalore when the team were ravaged by food poisoning, and television reporter Ken Nicholson was summoned to field along with Coney from the radio box.

But it was a rare moment of levity after a day which saw as much inner pain for the New Zealanders as that which had struck down five of them with various injuries in the past week.

Resuming on 248 for four, still trailing by 161, England plundered a further 278 runs thanks to a maiden test 100 from gloveman Geraint Jones and 94 from crowd idol Andrew Flintoff.

Then four New Zealand wickets fell in 19 deliveries on a dicey surface after Mark Richardson and the promoted Brendon McCullum had things in hand at 75 for one.

"I think everyone's a bit pissed off really," Richardson bluntly admitted later.

"The last two days have been the two most frustrating and disappointing of my career.

"We fired ourselves up against this England side, man for man we think we can compete and in the last two days we've been outplayed and that hurts."

The list of walking, or limping, wounded continued to grow.

Craig McMillan and Michael Papps were sporting matching finger guards after each fractured the little finger on their left hands, Shane Bond was still gritting his teeth with continued back soreness which will see him return home this week, Jacob Oram's side strain had ruled him out of the bowling crease, then Vettori dived headlong on the boundary, got up and could barely walk.

For the one New Zealander in the press box, the chorus of "got your whites, son?" from the English media contingent was deafening.

Seriously, there were concerns aplenty for Bracewell to address as his side's test performances continue to lag noticeably behind their soaring one-day fortunes.

The bowling has been Bracewell's biggest headache, with new ball duo Daryl Tuffey and Chris Martin well down on their efforts during the home summer.

Stephen Harmison and Matthew Hoggard's final lethal overs showed the gulf between the two attacks.

"Our guys are deck kissers rather than deck hitters," Bracewell said.

"That's not an excuse, but the two pitches we come across are suited to bowlers who hit the deck hard.

"At the moment they don't exist within our side.

"It's about how hard they can hit them rather than the areas. When they can't hit them hard enough they go searching and bowl a little bit shorter."

It made the decision to have the apparently fully fit paceman Ian Butler still waiting at home all the more puzzling.

Bracewell, though, insisted he wouldn't go off the deep end at his players despite their England dream being all but over.

He was also confident about the way he'd guided the team.

"You have faith in the things you try to put in place, and if you have self belief and confidence then there's not much you can do.

"You can't go out and drive the car for them.

"Sometimes cricket can be a nasty game, and that was a nasty half hour tonight."

- NZPA