Memo to Brendon McCullum: the next time you're thinking of poking an angry bear with a stick, shoulder arms and walk away.
The New Zealand cricket captain's September newspaper column slagging the new Aussie skipper Steve Smith has come back to haunt McCullum at the Gabba, where the limp Kiwis are getting smashed to smithereens.
Considering the optimism around New Zealand cricket, what has occurred in Brisbane is almost as embarrassing as getting bowled out for 26 by England all those years ago.
There has been a cult of personality develop around McCullum, but it isn't quite working right now. All the optimism which reached a crescendo at the World Cup has come crashing down. A new dawn has proved a false dawn. The tour of England was a disappointment rather than disaster, but this has morphed into something far worse against the rebuilding Aussies. The opening test across the ditch has seen New Zealand plummet to old-time lows. The trend is not good.
This had the makings of a watershed series for New Zealand and one to stir the masses, but instead it's already likely to end in tears. The batting can come back but the bowling attack - with Tim Southee crocked - has already been run ragged. McCullum, whose ability to unite the team was at the heart of his controversial appointment over Ross Taylor, needs to find the golden touch. It is a massive test of his leadership and Mike Hesson's coaching, because a horrible series disaster is looming.
New Zealand deserves a little leeway at the Gabba, a graveyard for visiting teams and a tough venue to get back into test match mode. But they have looked leaderless, short on discernible strategies in the field, and have not fought for each other in a way to match the McCullum captaincy legend. Mark Craig's first innings bowling was downright depressing, a series of lame and unrelated deliveries.
McCullum's attack on Smith was clearly not forgotten in the pre-match. Just how big a part it played in stirring the Australians is hard to tell, but it was incredibly unwise.
It gave the Baggy Greens a perfect rallying point around Smith, following the loss of an Ashes series in England they were expected to win easily.
Smith had only just taken over the captaincy from Michael Clarke when McCullum came in off a long run in his Daily Mail column. Taking his cricket white knight image way too far, he launched a condescending attack on Smith over an incident during the Australia-England one day series.
How this fits with New Zealand's supposed nice-guy, non-sledging policy, who knows? As Smith said, it was really none of McCullum's business.
Australian cricket teams don't tend to need much of an invite to rebound from disappointment. They have done so in crushing style. McCullum called Smith immature and reckoned he would live to regret not withdrawing an appeal against English all rounder Ben Stokes. It will barely be a footnote in Smith's career (apart from McCullum's part) and he seems to be coping just fine.
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Australia's little blaster David Warner has joined a small group of test openers who have taken the art to unbelievable levels. Matthew Hayden upped the ante for Australia, spear-heading a great Aussie era by averaging 50 at a strike rate of around 60 runs per hundred balls. Warner - who was once thought too crazy for test cricket - averages a few runs below that but at an amazing strike rate of 74. But even he is short of the Indian wonder Virender Sehwag, who averaged nearly 50 in more than 100 tests. Sehwag's strike rate was a staggering 82. Famous last words...but no one will ever top that.
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On the other side of the fence, Kane Williamson is well on the way to becoming our finest batsman ever. He is so uncomplicated, and appears to have a perfect temperament.
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The good leagues news is the Kiwis levelled the series against England with a victory at London's Olympic Stadium. The bad news is the game itself - it was a downright shocker. Neither team deserved to win. Issac Luke was awarded man-of-the-match, but no one stood out although wing Jason Nightingale managed to show his professional class without being overly influential. I understand the theory around Kiwi coach Steve Kearney's decision not to pick Benji Marshall, whose MO can be a little too Marshall-orientated. Kearney wants to develop depth in the halves, but the overall progress will stagnate when it is so rudderless. Someone like Roger Tuivasa-Sheck is clearly disadvantaged playing in a team with no direction. Under the circumstances, and in hindsight, the veteran wizard Marshall would have made all the difference to this side. The Kiwis are operating without a five-eighth, and despite holding a lot of advantages were an error-ridden shambles on attack. Kearney didn't want to go back on his Marshall stance when Kieran Foran withdrew, but if Marshall's ankle was okay he could have played a big part in keeping the Kiwis on a roll.