England cricket suffered through one of its darkest days and the country was quick to savage the team. Photo / Getty
England was on top of the world after running through the Australian batting line-up on day one of the third Ashes Test, but nobody could have predicted just how dramatic the change in fortunes would be less than 24 hours later.
The Aussies could count themselves slightly unlucky being knocked over for 179 in bowler-friendly conditions under grey clouds only to turn up on day two greeted by blue skies and sunshine when it was England's turn to occupy the crease.
But on what was the perfect day for batting – and the perfect occasion to build a substantial first-innings lead that would go a long way towards evening the five-match series up at 1-1 – England blew it.
Read more: As it happened: Australia v England
Choked. Crumbled. Fell in a heap. Embarrassed itself. Sunk to a new low. They all work after England was bowled out for 67 in just 27.5 overs – gifting the Aussies a 112-run headstart in the second innings.
Not even the most pessimistic England supporters would have imagined things could go this wrong as the Poms went from a position of dominance to curling up on the floor in the foetal position as Australia leapt into the frame to retain the Ashes in Leeds.
A win in the third Test at Headingley will give the Aussies an unassailable 2-0 lead and because they won the last series Down Under in 2017/18, a tied series means the little urn will stay in the Southern Hemisphere.
Tim Paine's men are so close to the coveted trophy they can almost touch it after destroying the home team on day two. It was a spectacular collapse that silenced the crowd as the procession of England batsmen going back to the dressing room never stopped.
BY THE NUMBERS
The hopeless total of 67 was the lowest ever for a Test match at Headingley, "beating" the 87 England scored in 1909. It was also England's lowest total against Australia since its 52 against Don Bradman's team in 1948 - a whopping 71 years ago.
This latest effort is the third time England has been bowled out for less than 90 in a Test in 2019 and by facing just 167 deliveries, it's the second-fewest balls ever faced in an innings in England.
Sixty-seven is England's fourth-lowest score ever in a Test at home and Joe Denly made history by scoring 12 –registering the lowest-ever top score in an innings for the Poms.
England's 4th-lowest score in a home Test.
— Andy Zaltzman (@ZaltzCricket) August 23, 2019
52 all out, v Aus, Oval 1948.
53 all out, v Aus, Lord's 1888 (1st inns)
62 all out, v Aus, Lord's 1888 (2nd inns)
67 all out, today.https://t.co/VqHpWE2LJI
JDenly's score of 12 is the lowest highest score by an English bat in a completed innings. Previous: 15 by GJessop and WQuaife (shared) at Sydney, 1902.
— Ric Finlay (@RicFinlay) August 23, 2019
Australia also made history, scoring the lowest-ever total required to establish a lead of more than 100 at the end of the first innings of a Test.
Lowest opening Test innings to take a first innings lead of 100+ runs (no declarations)
— Swamp (@sirswampthing) August 23, 2019
10-179 - AUS v ENG (67) 2019
10-180 - AUS v PAK (62) 1981
10-207 - AUS v SL (97) 2004
10-209 - SA v AUS (108) 1997
@cricketcomau #ENGvAUS #Ashes https://t.co/GWaPv9XdD4
Fielding in the slips, David Warner was given catching practice and claimed a record of his own. He took four very good catches to equal the most grabs ever snared in an innings by a non-wicketkeeper in Ashes history.
'SHOULD BE ASHAMED': FANS, PLAYERS FUME
Unsurprisingly, furious England fans and ex-players hammered the side for surrendering so meekly.
In commentary for the BBC, former England captain Michael Vaughan called the shocking collapse "madness" and "a sad state of affairs". He was even harsher on Twitter, congratulating Australia on retaining the Ashes.
This has been a pathetic effort ... No hiding behind any excuses ... simply not good enough ... #Ashes
— Michael Vaughan (@MichaelVaughan) August 23, 2019
A DVD should be made of how to bowl at Headingley by Australia this morning .... A VHS video tape should be produced of how not to Bat at Headingley by England this morning .... !!! #Ashes
— Michael Vaughan (@MichaelVaughan) August 23, 2019
Ex-England opening batsman Michael Carberry offered up his thoughts, saying there's too much focus on batsmen being aggressive because T20 cricket has become so dominant. He accused batsmen of forgetting the art of batting time and also suggested selectors must shoulder some of the blame for the horrendous batting on show in Leeds.
🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️can’t watch anymore !! Have we missed that memo it’s a test match we have 2/3 days to bat????
— Michael Carberry (@carbs646) August 23, 2019
No mate we have talented young batsman we have successfully managed to ruin most of them or don’t select them because of entertainment https://t.co/bflx3Flg6P
— Michael Carberry (@carbs646) August 23, 2019
Former England star turned commentator Isa Guha said on Twitter "that was painful" and ex-international fast bowler Alex Tudor wrote: "No one wants to do the hard graft any more. Any danger of someone batting for at least 100 balls!!!"
BBC commentator Jonathan Agnew weighed in, and the public reaction was unforgiving.
That is the worst #englandcricket batting performance I’ve ever seen. Uniformly crap from 1-11. Should be ashamed of themselves. #Ashes
— Stuart Hazeldine (@stuarthazeldine) August 23, 2019
England will genuinely need Archer to do better with the ball than he did yesterday to have a chance of staying in the #Ashes. This is pathetic.
— Lewis Winter (@LewisAWinter) August 23, 2019
Utterly embarrassing England. One of the worst batting performances I've ever seen from them #ENGvAUS #Ashes
— Jack Mendel (@Mendelpol) August 23, 2019
That is a shameful batting performance. #Ashes
— James Phillips (@MrJPhill) August 23, 2019
That is one of the most pathetic scorecards I’ve seen in cricket. Great bowling no doubt, but the English batting has been appalling. We need Root the batsman back, at the very least. Being captain does not suit him. #ENGvAUS #ashes
— Matt Green (@mattgreencomedy) August 23, 2019
Australian legend Mark Waugh also had a swipe, saying England's batting was "not up to Test standard".
"Wow, can't quite believe what I've just watched. Outstanding from the Aussies and probably no words could describe the Poms," Waugh wrote on Twitter.
HOW IT HAPPENED
The diabolic batting performance started when Jason Roy outside edged a loose drive that was caught by Warner at slip to continue his horror run at the top of the order and the news only got worse from there.
Joe Root was caught behind for a second ball duck, Rory Burns gloved a ball down the leg side and Ben Stokes played a horrible slash to a wide delivery from James Pattinson that was snaffled again by Warner to reduce the hosts to 4/34.
Joe Denly and Jonny Bairstow were both out edging behind the wicket before lunch and the carnage continued after the break. Chris Woakes gloved a Pat Cummins short ball to wicketkeeper Paine first ball after the break, Jos Buttler punched a catch to short cover, Jofra Archer feathered a bouncer through to Paine and No. 11 Jack Leach was bowled around his legs by Josh Hazlewood.
That final scalp gave Hazlewood his fifth wicket for the innings as he finished with 5/30, while Cummins finished with three wickets and Pattinson took two in an unforgettable day.
OPINION: Tribalism is diluted when major sports events are exported to neutral territory.