KEY POINTS:
This was not in the brochure handed to Fidel Edwards.
The one he would have read would have gone something like this:
"Come to green New Zealand in December, where the cloud cover normally holds until mid-afternoon and the pitches are damp and lively. Bring a sweater."
Instead
he finds a sunbathed Eden Park, with a lifeless pitch the colour of straw yielding runs like Santa yields lollies at a Christmas Parade.
Outer Oval? It could have been outer space.
"It's a bit too flat," said Edwards after another two sessions of leather chasing as Auckland piled up 587-7 before declaring at tea. "I expected it to do a bit more."
At stumps the West Indies' batsmen were getting their lollies too, with Sewnarine Chattergoon (31) and Xavier Marshall (45) untroubled in posting 82-0 at stumps.
The innings is of particular importance for Marshall, who is chasing a spot in the middle order for the first test starting on Thursday, with Chattergoon assured of opening with Chris Gayle.
For the record, the Outer Oval has given up 1643 runs in a little more than a match and a half this season, at a cost of 86 runs a wicket.
Edwards' three wickets, albeit for 125 runs, made him the pick of the bunch and he will likely be part of a pace quartet in Dunedin that should also include Daren Powell and Jerome Taylor, with Kemar Roach and Lionel Baker vying for a spot.
Edwards, who is getting back to good rhythm after a back injury, is perhaps best known for his distinctive face-flapping routine after taking a wicket. While he wouldn't divulge what it signified, he did say he planned to put it away once he had taken 100 test wickets. He's taken 95 from 34 tests so far, so New Zealand will be hoping to make him wait until at least Napier before he can put it to bed.
If there are pitches like this one waiting for him in Dunedin and Napier, it could be a while before it disappears.
One player who was only quietly complaining about the deck was Richard Jones, who this morning serenely went from 186 not out to his maiden double century, before falling to Edwards for 201.
"That's about as good as it gets for batting," he said of the wicket, adding that it wasn't great for the game.
"But, no, it's [the double century] a fantastic feeling. It wasn't in the resume before today."
Gareth Hopkins, who was unbeaten on 103 from 182 balls, also cashed in.
Spare a thought for Kyle Mills, too. After banging away on dead wickets in Bangladesh, Mills missed selection on a green top in Brisbane. He came home to work on his sharpness and has had to toil away on that surface.
He will take small consolation from the fact he made others suffer too, scoring a hard-hit 50 off 63 balls.