Botham said Australia were clearly the inferior team and was adamant a humiliating 10-0 defeat beckons.
"We would beat Australia if we played them on Mars at the moment, to be honest," Botham said. "England are far superior, far better. We have won the last two Ashes encounters and I expect them to win in style over here and then in style in Australia from November onwards."
Botham wrote in the Sunday Times bad weather was virtually Australia's only chance at salvation.
"I'm serious. Why not? I think we're that much better. All it needs is the players to believe they can do it," he said.
"Australia will be tougher than they look on paper, because they're born fighters, but not only are they struggling to keep a fast bowler on the field for more than one game at a time, losing [Ricky] Ponting and [Michael] Hussey has left a gaping hole in the batting.
"They're relatively inexperienced, which is a big minus coming to a place like England, and when I hear things like, 'Phillip Hughes has a much better technique than when he was last here', I think, 'Well, that wouldn't be hard'."
Botham also slammed Australian team culture, referencing the "homework" drama on March's embarrassing tour of India.
"I've got to say they don't look much like the hard-as-nails cricketers I used to know.
"This business of their coach setting them homework made me laugh out loud. Maybe they've been playing so badly because the players are confused by all this stuff. And if so, good.
"I'm just glad I played in the pre-bulls**t era.
"Homework? Do me a favour. I never did that when I was at school, never mind when I was playing cricket."
- AAP