England wore the bright pink safety vests, but it was New Zealand who needed them, having been run over in a T20 match at Manchester.
One man in no danger, apparently, is Brendon McCullum, the New Zealand cricket captain who is being rammed down our throat by his numerous Englishsupporters as the first attack-minded captain to be found on a cricket field.
Nasser Hussain, the former England captain who is compelling on analysis but no longer refreshingly acerbic, gave the McCullum roadshow a pat on the back from the commentary box after the Kiwis' T20 collapse against Eion Morgan's side. Veteran comedian John Cleese, a seriously funny and funnily serious man, wanted to give McCullum a knighthood for services to cricket.
McCullum is not - it needs to be pointed out - the first man to make cricket interesting.
The others are too numerous to mention. Australia, for instance, started giving the test game a fair old wallop a long time ago, and with a lot of success including against England. Matthew Hayden, Adam Gilchrist and co. were good to watch. They were also good to watch in all forms of cricket without appearing to be poking an apple from a tree with a stick, a la Luke Ronchi in being dismissed yesterday. Everything was so topsy-turvy in this final tour fling. England had the momentum, magic and snazzy outfits. New Zealand was drably dressed to fail.
It's wonderful to know that English cricket is in such fine spirits, and it is true that McCullum's wild ways have helped play them into form. Whether this is a good thing or not is a matter of perspective. As the game unfolded and the New Zealand batting folded at Old Trafford, one wondered if there had been a T20 rule change which gave benefit to batsmen who scored a boundary off the first ball. Or if Tim Southee was coaching the batters.
Sorry. This is all a very parochial Kiwi thing, the silly and frustrated musings of a New Zealand supporter who doesn't understand that drawing a test series there for the taking, losing a one day series to a team smashed in the World Cup, and getting beaten up at T20 has saved the planet. All-conquering cricket tours are not our right, and a good contest is to be enjoyed. It's just that for once, sans Richard Hadlee, a comprehensive triumph was probable.
Yes, this tour has provided thrilling contests, but no, New Zealand has not delivered. To take a bit of a leap forward, Australia awaits where McCullum's brave new world will rely on Kane Williamson and Ross Taylor, genuine and class batsmen with old world ways. Heaven help us without them, and it might need to get involved even with them.
