I watched sumo wrestling for an hour last weekend before I realised it was the world heavyweight boxing title fight.
There has surely never been a stranger title bout than between Wladimir Klitschko and Tyson Fury - the mouth with a pair of legs who somehow has the title of best heavyweight on the planet right now. He did it without hitting anyone very hard, a curious achievement in boxing. He won because he didn't hit Klitschko better than Klitschko didn't hit him, if you know what I mean.
Klitschko, the feared "Dr Steelhammer", was more like Nursey out of Blackadder. He needed Viagra of the arms. The giant Ukrainian landed 52 of 231 punches thrown (23 per cent), according to the official stats, and 18 of 69 power shots (26 per cent). If Klitschko threw 69 power shots, I missed at least 60 of them. He appeared to be a boxer trapped in the body of a tree.
Fury was little better. He landed 86 of 371 punches (23 per cent) and 48 of 202 power shots (24 per cent) - although if anyone threw even one punch of seriously damaging weight, then Phar Lap was a chimpanzee, the police didn't look like dorks searching Heather du Plessis-Allan's house and Chris Cairns is right now writing out a Christmas card for Brendon McCullum.
This wasn't a fight, it was leaning and waving. Fury was at least elusive - mobile, feinting and jerking like he had a ferret down his pants which, towards the end of the fight, looked alarmingly like they were falling down, threatening to expose rather more than a ferret. It was a clever game plan, boosted by Fury's mugging at a dull Klitschko, gooning it up with taunts, dropping his hands and even putting them behind his back.
The clown who clipped Klitschko's wings is an entertainer, even if he looks ungainly. Even if you scorn the Batman outfits, the karaoke-style Aerosmith songs, the homophobia and the anti-abortionism, you still had to laugh when he told a stunned Klitschko he had about as much charisma as Fury's underpants and when, having won about £5 million ($11 million), Fury's first purchase with his new-found wealth was a $9000 caravan harking back to his gypsy heritage.
Sadly, his value appears to be not so much his boxing but his marketing ability to wind people up. Millions tuned in to see the lunatic get chinned. They will do it again for the re-match.
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Some recalled the two Ali-Liston clashes in the 60s when the "big ugly bear", as Ali called him, was confronted by an opponent who appeared to be clinically insane. Sonny Liston remained po-faced at Ali's shrill taunts, as Klitschko did with Fury. Liston was the superhuman, menacing, invincible champ, just as Klitschko was, and lost the re-match to an Ali "phantom punch" which had many crying "fix", especially after Liston's crime connections were revealed later.
So what was with Klitschko? Yes, Fury was the first fighter he had faced bigger than him. Yes, Fury put him off his rhythm with his ducking and weaving and arms like Inspector Gadget's, out-reaching a foe who couldn't seem to adapt. Yes, Klitschko is a "safety-first" boxer. None of that explains his strange reluctance to engage. Even when he must have known he was losing, his quest for a knockout was hardly worthy of the description.
Some analysts suggested Klitschko's lacklustre showing against US fighter Bryant Jennings in his previous bout showed age had caught up with him, but none picked a Fury victory.
Klitschko wants a re-match. So would a Klitschko or Fury win be better for the rising fortunes of New Zealand's Joseph Parker? Easily the most talented heavyweight to come from these shores in generations, and perhaps ever, Parker is now ranked in the top 15 by all boxing's various bodies except the IBF and is ranked fifth by the WBO. His best hope is probably a Klitschko win, according to Duco's Dean Lonergan.
Klitschko, if he was to win the re-match, would likely face a mandatory challenge from the IBF's No 1 challenger - another Ukrainian, Vyacheslav Glazkov - but might then be forced into bouts against up-and-comers like US contender Deontay Wilder and Parker rather than settle into a boring diet of "bums of the month", as the great Joe Louis' opponents were often called when he was building up to a big defence.
Or Klitschko could win and retire at 40. A Fury victory could still work in Parker's favour if the huge Fury decides he wants a smaller man to lean on. While Parker is making his name, he is still little-known globally - not yet the crowd-puller who brings the multi-million-dollar payout champions desire. They know his handspeed is dangerous. The risk-reward equation is not yet quite right.
Parker's best hope is to keep rising up the ranks until he is in position himself for a mandatory challenge. In the meantime, the Fury train looks set for a wild ride. Who knows how many stations it will pull into before derailment?