All fun and games in 2002

By CHRIS RATTUE

Performance of the year: Nathan Astle's stunning double century against England in Christchurch in March. It was the fastest (in number of balls faced) in tests. Astle hit 11 sixes in reaching 222, and notched his 200 off 153 balls, speeding up by taking just 39 balls for his second century. By comparison, Australian Adam Gilchrist's previous record, from 212 balls, was quite a drag.

The Pinch Me I'm Dreaming Award - part one: The Tall Blacks - for their world championships heroics where they finished higher than the kings of basketball, the United States. Who could put their hand on their heart and say they contemplated this sporting fairytale? It's the most famous fourth finish in our sporting history. Pero Cameron, Tab Baldwin and friends became national sporting legends. Ranks somewhere alongside the 1982 All Whites as one of the great sporting journeys.

Team of the year: The Canterbury Crusaders. Okay, so the Tall Blacks were great, but rugby is the national sport, and the Crusaders were unbeaten in winning the Super 12, which is some achievement. They have been vigorously waving the flag for the New Zealand game for a few years, while the rest of us have stuffed about. All power to the red-and-blacks, who deserve everyone's eternal thanks, even if only for turning the Waratahs' visit to Christchurch into a cataclysmic event for the pretty boys of Aussie rugby. What a night that was.

Surprise of the year - part one: The Auckland rugby team. They are supposed to flatter to deceive these days, but instead of that, they flattened almost everything in sight, including Waikato in the NPC grand final.

Top twins: Caroline and Georgina Evers-Swindell. World double sculls gold.

The Enron Scholarship: For dodgy accounting, to the Canterbury Bulldogs, who were NRL title-bound until busted for a salary cap rort. Their tough teams are known as the Dogs of War - now the club is tagged the Dogs of More. They went a good A$600,000 ($646,000) over the A$3.25 million ($3.49 million) salary cap, even though they missed out on signing players such as Mat Rogers, who went to rugby. Never mind. These dogs are now itching to be let off their leashes.

John Justice Award: Pieter van Zyl, who delivered a blow for poor, mistreated South African rugby in Durban. Fleet-footed Piet shook off the effects of a raging brandy habit and a belly full of boerewors sausage to attack referee David McHugh, who was just one of the many demons hell-bent on destroying the Boks, according to this fearless crusader.

Henry Kissinger Cup: To John Davies, the disabled lawn bowler, for his efforts in foreign relations. The 60-year-old Davies turned his triple into a couple of tourists after he was sent home from the Commonwealth Games in Manchester for an inappropriate innuendo to one of the natives.

Most promising union leader: Stephen Fleming. Popped up just in time during the cricket players' strike, and sorted things out in a couple of days. Will be welcome any time down at Trades Hall after his rousing efforts for the downtrodden.

The Pinch Me I'm Dreaming Award - part two: The Warriors - led by the brilliant Stacey Jones - for winning the NRL's minor premiership and a lot of hearts, although they couldn't quite go the distance against the Roosters in the grand final. This can't be the same mob who used to play dead on the league fields of Australasia. They're not actually - although Warriors by name, they are a completely new outfit under the stewardship of a couple of Watsons. The new-look Warriors are just what the doctor ordered.

Unsound bite: All Black coach John Mitchell: "We are not driven by the outcome." Now surely he didn't really mean that.

Quickest U-Turn: Deacon Manu. Did the unthinkable for a Waikato rugby player, and signed for Auckland. But no, his Mooloo heart was still beating strong and Manu was last seen frantically looking for an escape clause. Stay tuned ...

Passionate New Zealander of the year: Daryl Gibson. Celebrated his recall into the All Blacks by heading to England to play for Bristol, who are being pipped for last place in the English premiership by London Irish and Newcastle. What's the World Cup when you've got a load of nice chaps to play rugger with in the biting cold?

Surprise of the year - part two: The Commonwealth Games team in Manchester. Sarah Ulmer, Beatrice Faumuina, Li Chunli, the list goes on. They did us proud at a Games judged to be one of the best-ever by those who should know.

Traditionalist of the year: Thankfully there are still blokes such as Tana Umaga and Andrew Mehrtens who speak their mind in New Zealand rugby. Tana's best quote was surely: "I would rather push the Super 12 out and just have club rugby, the internationals and the NPC. It's the way it used to be, but there are not many of us traditionalists left." To Tana and Mehrts, keep up the good words.

Top 10 stuff-ups:

1 - 9: The rugby World Cup fiasco

10: The Steve Devine fiasco

Fondest (rugby) farewell: To the one-and-only Jeff Wilson, who made a cameo comeback, then promptly retired again ... to resume his cricket career. Wilson may not have been a blockbuster, but he was a star with his immaculate skills and try-scoring sense. He will still be seen in some of New Zealand's main sports stadiums, although there might not be many there to watch him, unless he is wanted by the Black Caps.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: The All Blacks. The jury is not only out, but they're probably having a raging argument right now about whether blokes such as Chris Jack should have gone on the northern tour, whether it's been a good year or not, and if they're on track to grab that World Cup or on the highway to nowhere. The Crown Jewels of New Zealand sport weren't always that flash to watch, but they did the business in the Tri-Nations. That's better than nothing at the moment, or is it?

Swing in fortunes: Craig Perks and Philip Tataurangi won golf titles in the United States to join Bob Charles, John Lister, Grant Waite and Frank Nobilo as New Zealanders who have won on the PGA tour.

INTERNATIONAL

Seeing is Believing Award: Great Aussie paceman Glenn McGrath's outfield catch to dismiss English opener Michael Vaughan in Adelaide. You're unlikely to see better, although McGrath described it as a fluke. Now if only he could bat ...

Reflected glory: American Tim Montgomery broke the world 100m record in Paris with a time of 9.78s, but when he looks in the mirror, finds it "hard to swallow that of all the bodies made by God, this is the fastest in history."

Top administrator: John O'Neill - The little Aussie b****** (answer below) got the better of us in the WCF (World Cup Fiasco) thanks to a helping hand from Messrs Rutherford, McCaw and all. It was an educational time as we learnt new phrases like clean stadiums, and found out who the chairman of the IRB is (Vernon Pugh, for those who missed the excitement). Answer: Battler.

Saddest mismatch: Cricket's Australia v England.

Best comeback: The 31-year-old Pete Sampras, who won his first Grand Slam title since Wimbledon in 2000 when he beat Andre Agassi in the US Open final. Sampras, rated by many as the greatest-ever player, was seeded 17 for the New York event in September, but is now the youngest and oldest winner of the title. It was his 14th Grand Slam singles crown.

Superstar of the Year: Tiger Woods. He might not have won the New Zealand Open, but Tiger quickly got over the disappointment. He captured the US Masters and Open titles to take his tally of majors to eight, plus three other PGA titles and nearly US$7 million ($13.3 million). Enough said really. The journey towards Tiger's Holy Grail - the Jack Nicklaus total of 18 majors - promises to be a fascinating story. Another statistic - Tiger Woods has just turned 27.