So with that in mind, and the hypothetical Trade Deadline less than a week away, The Alternative Commentary Collective presents the Top 5 Trades we’d like to see for 2023:
Send The Ferg Burker Home
Crusaders Receive: Folau Fakatava
Highlanders Receive: Fergus BurkeChay Fihaki
Folau would start for any other franchise and that’s Fakatavan fact. What the ‘Landers are in desperate need of however, is a game-breaking back and a steady hand at first receiver. In Fihaki the Southerners would have a young gun who ripped up NPC last year but won’t get the run he deserves behind the likes of Will Jordan and David Havili on a Crusaders team with championship aspirations. Meanwhile, Fakatava could be the twist on the end of the punch that the ‘Saders need to get over the Chiefs this year.
The Tony Johnson Tongue Twister
Hurricanes Receive: Folau Fakatava
Highlanders Receive: Peter Ionatana Jack Umaga-JensenThomas Carlos Umaga-Jensen
This article could just as easily have been “Top 5 landing spots for Folau Fakatava”. That’s the great thing about a Trade system - it allows teams to redistribute talent. In this scenario, Otago split the talent of one-star player into two up-and-comers. Pair that with the fact that you are also reuniting Peter and Thomas Umaga-Jensen, as well as Jackson and Connor Garden-Bachop. Selfishly, we just want to see the Sky commentators having a meltdown as the Landers run a backline consisting of Garden-Bachop, Umaga-Jensen, Umaga Jensen and Garden Bachop.
House Of Pita
Chiefs Receive: Shannon Michael Frizell
Highlanders Receive: Pita Gus Nacagilevu Sowakula
The Chiefs as they are currently constructed are looking at competing for multiple championships. Frizell is a proven commodity with 25 All Black caps and with Jacobson taking most of the minutes at 8, would fit seamlessly into what would be a fearsome loose forward trio. Pita-Gus’ Cult Hero status on the other hand, feels almost wasted in the Waikato. Picture this; O Week, the Landers have an attacking scrum 5 metres out from a Zoo packed with rabid Scarfies 2 goon sacks deep in Blue and Gold jumpsuits. The dreadlocked dome of Pita-Gus emerges from the back of the scrum and he crashes over for a try that blows the roof off Forsyth-Barr Stadium #CaravanThickness
Hit The Road Jack
Blues Receive: Elias Jack Goodhue
Crusaders Receive: Stephen Perofeta
This move gives the Saders two things; it provides cover for the inner ear of Will Jordan, and if he’s healthy provides more flexibility in the backline. The Crusaders have a logjam in the midfield. Despite Razor’s constant roster re-jigging Ennor, Havili, Fainga’anuku and Goodhue - all All Blacks in their own right - are competing for essentially 2 jerseys. Someone’s got to go. As a product of the Winterless North, let’s get Jack home, fill him up with kaimoana, grow the mullet back and slot him in when RTS leaves next year. Oh and on that note…
Pack The House
Blues Receive: Moana Pasifikas unprotected 2024 First Round Draft Pick
Moana Pasifika Receive: Roger Tuivasa-Sheck
Attendance is low across the board this year, but Moana’s home games are particularly tough. There are plenty of reasons for the low turnout and all are valid but regardless - they need bums on seats. Short of Stacey Jones coming out of retirement, only one man can single-handedly pack out Mt Smart. As it stands, Moana Pasifika would have the #1 pick in the 2024 draft and could do worse than flipping it for Dally M Player of the Year Roger Tuivasa-Sheck. Sure it’s essentially a one-year rental, with RTS returning to league next year, but sharing a home ground with the mighty One New Zealand Warriors could open the door for RTS to be the first-ever Concurrent Dual International. Waratahs on a Saturday, then Roosters on a Sunday? Absolute. Scenes.
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