2019 Rugby World Cup: Steve Braunias - Leaked audio from dialogue between All Blacks' Steve Hansen and Ian Foster

Steve Hansen and Ian Foster, surrounded by the rest of the All Blacks management team. Photo / Photosport

SATIRE:

All Blacks head coach Steve Hansen caused quite the stir when it emerged that he gave the team both barrels - described by some as an "epic spray" - during halftime of the World Cup Pool B match against Namibia. Hansen, while admitting that he addressed the team's "wrong attitude" during the break, has refused to elaborate on exactly what he said - however, a secret microphone has picked up the dialogue between Hansen and his assistant Ian Foster during the match in Tokyo. Steve Braunias listened in.

First half

Steve Hansen: Fozzie.

Ian Foster: Yes, boss?

SH: Fozzie, Fozzie, Fozzie.

IF: I'm picking up that you're not happy.

SH: You do, do you?

IF: We're winning, though.

SH: Well of course we're winning. We're the All Blacks, and they're Namibia.

IF: The driest country in Sub-Saharan Africa.

SH: Is it? Well there you go.

IF: I also gather it's one of the least densely populated countries in the world.

SH: That's very interesting, Fozzie, but what's of greater interest to me right now is the way we're playing. And it's not pretty.

IF: It's not pretty.

SH: You're right there. But do you know what really bothers me?

IF: No, boss?

SH: It's not ugly.

IF: Boss?

SH: It's not anything, is it. Where's the attitude? What are we looking at, Fozzie? I'll tell you what I want to be looking at.

IF: Yes, boss?

SH: Footy, Fozzie.

IF: Footy?

SH: Yes, Fozzie. Footy.

IF: This isn't footy.

SH: This isn't footy, Fozzie. You're right there.

IF: Are you thinking of having a word with the boys about it at half-time?

SH: I am very much thinking of a particular word.

Head coach Steve Hansen has admitted he wasn't pleased with the All Blacks' first-half performance against Namibia. Poto / Photosport

Second half

Ian Foster: This is better.

Steve Hansen: It's a bit better.

IF: I think you got their attention.

SH: You do, do you?

IF: I think it was the use of that particular word you had in mind.

SH: They needed to hear that word.

IF: They heard it loud and clear.

SH: Do you think so?

IF: It was the first word that came out of your mouth.

SH: It seemed apt.

IF: It was downright felicitous.

SH: Eh?

IF: Befitting.

SH: You're right there, I think.

IF: Look! Did you see what Brad Weber just did?

SH: The old no-look pass!

Brad Weber's behind-the-back pass to TJ Perenara was a highlight. Photo / Photosport

IF: Go, TJ!

SH: Go!

IF: Go!

SH: Try!

IF: What a try!

SH: You know what we just saw, Fozzie?

IF: Boss?

SH: Footy, Fozzie. Footy.

IF: You're right there.