The Tonight Show's Jimmy Fallon asked Twitter to share the best burns they've given or received #ThatWasCold.
1. "My mother once told me she thought three kids was the perfect number. I'm her fourth."
2. "After my heavily pregnant wife and I explained to our 2-year-old daughter about how her new baby sister was in "Mummy's belly", she looked over at me and said " ... baby in daddy's belly too?"
3. "I have pale skin. An Uber driver was trying to find me in a crowd, called me and asked "Is that you in the white leggings?". I wasn't wearing leggings, it was just my legs."
4. I once overheard my parents complain about me, so I shouted from my room "you chose to have me!" and my dad shouted back "I wouldn't be so sure about that!"
5. "Was grocery shopping with my 8-year-old and decided to buy a bunch of frozen meals for the week — my daughter looked in the cart and then said under her breath "someone's given up".
Aussie road sign
When job interviews go bad: free labour
"Went to a job interview for a security guard that turned out to be a scam. They just wanted people to do free labour for them. In the interview they asked me generic questions like name, age, hobbies but nothing else a legitimate business would ask so that was the first alarm bell. Then they asked me to follow them to the warehouse where I thought they we going to show me the security work I would be doing but instead they told me they needed me to move boxes in the warehouse for the next four hours. Yeah four hours! That's when it dawned on me there was no job they were just looking to take advantage of gullible people who thought they were getting a job. At first I wanted to give them a mouthful for wasting my time but then I thought it's probably better to get out of there as quickly as possible so I said okay, I am just going to go and get a bottle of water out of my car before I start, walked back to my car got in it and left.