Flubbed small talk

1. "In July 1987, on the eve of the first Lotto draw, two long lines had formed at the Lotto agency in Howick and spilled onto the pavement outside," writes Kay. "At the front of one line was an employee of mine. I called to her and asked, "What would you do with the money if you won first prize?" To which she replied in a similar loud voice, "I'd go straight to Honolulu and buy a condom!"

2. "When talking to a client about a potential job we started chatting about what we were doing on our Christmas holiday. I told her I was spending mine at a popular beach area. She asked me if I like to fish. Getting a bit confused on whether the phrase was 'dossing down' or 'dossing off' I somehow came up with, 'Not really, I just like to toss off on the beach'. I didn't get that job."

Bruce Dunlop doesn't know how he this capsicum so irate. Maybe it was something to do with chopping it in half?
Bruce Dunlop doesn't know how he this capsicum so irate. Maybe it was something to do with chopping it in half?

The other half overheard

The Twitter account @Highgatemums shares overheard one-liners from ladies who lunch in one of the poshest 'burbs in London

1. "Darling, don't scrape your chair. It makes your presence over-known."

Advertisement

2. "School hours are designed for the convenience of the teachers and pupils and frankly nobody else. Nobody else AT ALL."

3. "How can they really claim poverty when they have a television? Or carpets?"

4. "There's a sadness in his eyes. I'm sure it comes from an awareness that he'll have to intellectually leave his friends behind."

5. "He gets annoyed that nobody realises 'Jack' is short for 'Jacobean'."

Driving down Onewa Rd in Auckland, at a certain point in the road the Z petrol station morphs into a church.
Driving down Onewa Rd in Auckland, at a certain point in the road the Z petrol station morphs into a church.