Everywhere you go. Everywhere you look. There is virus chat. I'd be happy if I never heard the "C" word again. Good news! Professional rugby is returning. Which means we can focus on the "D" word instead. Derby!
Chats with friends and family no longer have to descend into punishing amateur epidemiology.
It's time to go back to our old chats. The conversations that made our country great. Weather, property prices, freedom camping, the things we might do to the house one day and most important of all rugby chat.
Enter Aotearoa Super Rugby. New Zealand's five franchises - the Blues, Chiefs, Hurricanes, Crusaders and Highlanders go head-to-head.
Two games every weekend for 10 weeks, and starting in June. These were the only games we cared about anyway. I couldn't be more excited about this. So let's chat about those good old fashioned derbies.
Before we start, let's address the elephant in the room. These match-ups aren't technically derbies. Some annoying premier league fan always pipes up with "A derby is a fierce rivalry between clubs of the same city."
Like Everton vs Liverpool, because they are both Liverpool-based football clubs.
Someone else might add: "The term Derby stems from the town of Ashbourne in Derbyshire, England and their Royal Shrovetide Football Match.
"Since the 12th century, two teams of up to a 1000, from opposite sides of the river that runs through the town have gone head-to-head in a weird, violent ball-related fight."
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But screw that. Don't tell us what to call our match-ups. They are derbies if we say they are. What are you going to do about it?
The Blues v Chiefs is easy. It's the Battle of the Bombays in NPC terms. Referring of course to the small and extremely fertile mountain range between Auckland and Waikato.
Obviously that doesn't really work because of the whole Counties Manukau thing. But it will do for now.
The Crusaders v my beloved Highlanders is known as the Southern Derby. Love it. The two great franchises cover the entire South Island. The Waitaki Wounder would work too, after the river that separates Otago and Canterbury. But the words Southern Derby get me so excited I don't want it changed.
Hurricanes v Crusaders is the Battle of the Tasman for obvious reasons. But is the Hurricanes v Chiefs the Battle of the Central Plateau?
The non-bordering rivalries are harder. We must look passed geographical boundaries for our derby titles.
Everyone knows Canterbury hates all things Auckland, whereas Auckland doesn't care about anything south of Mount Wellington. Maybe this fierce derby could be the Unrequited Hate Plate.
Highlanders v Hurricanes is clearly the War of the Weather. Due to the horrific climates endured in both areas. A commentator might open with "Who will come out on top - the freezing cold southern mould or the bone-chilling winds off the Cook Strait?."
Blues v Highlanders is already the Gordon Hunter Trophy - after the one-eyed hard man who coached both teams.
Highlanders v Chiefs is the Battle of the Bingers? Two regions who proudly wear their binge-drinking on their sleeves.
With the equestrian hype horses at the Crusaders and the bovine bells at the Chiefs. How about - the Battle of Horse and Cow? Although with Canterbury's rampant dairy conversions it might soon be the Battle of the Teat with expert rugby pundits professing "Will the balance of the teat swing south?"
Whether you agree with these derby names or not it's worth a chat. Which is the whole point. There will be books written about these viral times. They will be boring. There will be movies made. They will be boring. I'm not going to a flick about people sitting around at home.
Our professional lives are destined to be infected with punishing virus chat for years to come. We don't need that chat in our free time as well. So let's put the "C" word to bed and concentrate on the "D". Personally I'm keen to chat about the upcoming Hate Plate.