Wyn Drabble guessed this roadside shop sign meant they sold water. Photo / Wyn Drabble
Wyn Drabble guessed this roadside shop sign meant they sold water. Photo / Wyn Drabble
Despite being pretty well travelled, I had never been to Bali until this recent trip.
So mine are the first impressions of the ‘older traveller’.
To me, the word that sums up the feel of Bali is chaotic. Of course you can escape to the tranquility of rice fieldsand forests but for the areas around Denpasar, I’m sticking with that adjective.
It feels so chaotic that it shouldn’t work. But in its own special way it does.
The chaos starts with the traffic. As you ride (reasonably) safely cocooned in a taxi, you will gasp and utter bad words at the alarming movements of scooters all around you, some of them appearing to be a sheet of paper thickness away from your taxi.
If ahead, the rider spots a gap that your good sense, cultural wisdom and maturity deem impassable, they will dart through it. Sitting in front of the rider might be a small child playing a video game on a phone.
There might also be a live goat.
A young and adventurous traveller might choose to hire a scooter and join the mayhem but they should check the scooter thoroughly first then always wear a helmet when riding.
If they don’t, the police will eventually stop and charge them.
Wyn Drabble
The police are not to be messed with.
Rumour has it that you can pay the local ploddery to turn on their siren and flashing lights to lead you through traffic if you need to get somewhere urgently but I cannot possibly verify that.
While there are petrol stations as we know them you are also able to buy your fuel from little roadside stalls. It will invariably be stored in used vodka bottles. Unless, of course, the scooters run on vodka.
Common sense is the golden rule; if you choose to hire a scooter, operate on the principle that you are invisible and everyone else is drunk. And don’t drink from a vodka bottle.
The most unusual taxi ride I have ever had was a half-hour ride using what the driver described as a short cut. It wound through mud lanes which were wide enough for one vehicle but accommodated two.
If I wanted to, I could have put my hand out of the taxi window and grabbed food items from family tables or outdoor cookers.
As you would expect, I enjoyed some risible signs. On Kuta Beach which has crude pop-up bars, shoulder to shoulder along the shore, I saw one sign hand-written on a square of corrugated cardboard: “Really icy piss sold here”.
Near our accommodation, I passed a roadside shop whose professionally-painted sign featured the word ‘Let’s’ followed by a silhouette depiction of a camel.
My eventual guess was that they sold water. Then again it might have been vodka. Or camels.
Others to enjoy included ‘Antiques Made to Order’ and ‘Pets and Durian Not Allowed’.
The words of the latter were supported by graphics of a dog and durian with diagonal lines through them. Durian is the tropical fruit renowned for its custardy interior but also its offensive pong.
The currency (rupiah) deserves a mention for the simple reason that it features way too many noughts.
You’ll be a millionaire while staying in Bali. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Care is necessary when making mental currency conversions because the number of noughts can get confusing. Friends visiting us realised they had paid $25 for their taxi. The real price was $2.50.
The driver must have thought he’d won Lotto – but he undoubtedly deserved it.
The cheerful and charming people seem to work for next to nothing so what are a few noughts to wealthy tourists – which must be how the locals see us?
