Working on the rite side of life

By ALICE SHOPLAND

One of Kim Jewel Elliott's fondest memories from her job as a celebrant is of marrying a couple in their 20s, one of whom was a few days away from dying of cancer.

At 37, Elliott believes she is one of the country's youngest celebrants. She registered with the Government to perform such work in 1999, but had already been doing similar work, such as facilitating same-sex commitment ceremonies for friends.

When non-churched New Zealanders feel the need for some ceremony in their lives, they call a celebrant like Elliott.

Some 60 per cent of marriages and funerals are now facilitated by a celebrant, according to the Auckland University of Technology, which offers a certificate in celebrant studies.

Elliott says celebrancy is not well paid - she estimates she earns about $10 an hour - but it's extremely satisfying, and an opportunity to provide a social service.

"Marriage is an adult rite of passage," she says, "and it's a true honour to be asked by a couple to be their celebrant."

She does mostly weddings and commitment ceremonies, and sees her role as supporting a couple.

"The saddest wedding experiences are seeing couples live out other people's dreams and expectations rather than their own - such as opting for a church wedding when they never go to church themselves."

But it's obvious from the way Elliott talks that these negative experiences are outweighed by the positives - such as leading a dawn wedding on top of North Head, followed by coffee and croissants.

For their own wedding, Elliott and her husband chose to elope to a registry office and use two strangers as witnesses, followed by a picnic for two.

They announced their marriage to friends and family at what was supposed to be their engagement party. Not everyone was impressed at missing out on a big wedding, "but that's the way we chose to do it, and they need to respect that."

Keith King, 52, is an ordained minister and has been a registered celebrant for eight years.

"The church is very restricting," he says, "whereas celebrancy allows you to create ceremony around the particular life stage each person is at. That's what I enjoy."

He says celebrancy itself is not religious or spiritual, "but it meets those needs [for ceremony] - we're living in a more secular society, but we still have a need for ritual."

King particularly enjoys facilitating at funerals - he does about 200 a year - because grief, he says, causes people to be more honest and revealing.

But he also does weddings, and naming ceremonies - at one of the latter recently, 40 children blew bubbles, creating a huge sparkling cloud - and occasional corporate rituals.

A company moving buildings, for example, asked him to perform ceremonies on leaving and arrival. Two young members of another company were killed in a car crash, and the company chose to mark that with a ceremony.

King edits the newsletter of the Celebrants Association of New Zealand (CANZ), and says the association has about 220 members - mostly women, mostly pakeha and mostly in the 40-plus age group.

"I'd say many of the men involved have been ministers of some sort, and the women have done some personal journeying themselves and want to offer something to other people," he says.

King and Elliott both say that couples getting married often have a traditional wedding in mind, simply because that's what they've experienced.

"Getting them to think more creatively about what they personally want from a ceremony is quite hard work, but tremendously satisfying," says King.

Elliott is working on a book about celebrancy, aimed at couples getting married, which encourages them to explore the significance of ritual.

* AUT offers a certificate in celebrant studies, which involves a minimum of three modules, each lasting seven full days. For further information phone Katherine Upson on (09) 917-9999 ext 7822 or email katherine.upson@aut.ac.nz.

* The registrar-general births, deaths and marriages handles applications for becoming a registered civil marriage celebrant. Contact: Central Registry, Department of Internal Affairs, PO Box 31 115, Wellington, or visit www.bdm.govt.nz.

* Auckland Celebrants Association, phone (09) 303-3386.

* Celebrants Association of New Zealand, phone (09) 634 0414.