Williams tells of demons and fears

Musician J Williams says he never hit his son's mother, Larissa Brown, but admits the shoving was unacceptable aggression. Photo / Natalie Slade

J Williams has given up the drink, the parties and all his money to become holed up in a modest West Auckland flat, afraid to be seen publicly as a "wife basher".

The 24-year-old award-winning musician attends four sessions of alcohol counselling and anger therapy a week after a fraught relationship which the mother of his newborn son called "traumatic".

He says he has owned up to any aggression he showed towards his partner and is starting afresh.

Williams met stylist Larissa Brown about two years ago in a passionate fling that saw them move in together after just two weeks.

He wrote her a song, You Got Me, which became the country's best-selling single last year.

"Eight months down the track, it was very rocky and I started to question the relationship," Williams said.

"We had a lot of arguments when both of us were drinking. It became very heated, and there was pushing and pulling."

After one occasion, police were called to the house while Ms Brown left for her parents' house, he said.

No charges were laid, and Williams denies reports he ever hit Ms Brown.

But Ms Brown has called the incidents "outbursts", and Williams said the shoving had been unacceptable aggression.

"In no way do I condone any of that. I'm not proud of my actions. That's why I'm seeking help now," he said.

"The way I should have responded is every time the situation became heated, notice it ... and calm down. But I was hot-headed and young and dumb."

Williams - real name Joshua - began to go to counselling sessions and realised he had alcohol and anger problems and an unhealthy relationship.

By this point Ms Brown had become pregnant - and Williams revealed his feelings and their relationship ended only weeks before their son was born.

"About three weeks prior to her giving birth I realised that this is unhealthy. I'm not happy; I feel trapped. And that's when I just told her: the flame's just not there for me any more," he said.

"She was very upset. I know it was stupid timing."

Williams returned to see his son born and cut his umbilical cord - "the best day of my life" - despite disapproval from Ms Brown's family.

"Because of the break-up, I understand why they're angry at me. That's their daughter. I have sisters, too."

He gave Ms Brown all his savings and he now lives in Massey with a flatmate to help cover expenses.

He attends Alcoholics Anonymous meetings once a week and counselling and therapy sessions.

"At the moment all I'm focusing on is getting better ... I've had a lot of reflection and time alone," he said.

"It's given me the opportunity to face my demons ... I was in situations I had never been in before."

As he sat in the bare lounge of his small flat, Williams spoke of how naive he had been just months earlier.

"I was very young, and didn't know what to do."

He had dreamed of becoming a singer out of his love of music, but he had not known how to cope with the fame once he made it, he said.

"Initially it was a good life. But there were times when I was 'J Williams' [the celebrity] and didn't have a switch to turn it off."

He even used to enjoy being recognised in the mall.

"It was good because when they recognised you it meant you were doing something good."

But since reports surfaced alleging domestic violence, he stays at home.

"Even stepping out of my house I'm afraid, I'm kind of scared of what people are thinking of me.

Williams said he wanted to become an inspiration for anyone who sought to turn their life around.

"Any form of aggression, any form of anger - that's when you need to get help ... I have manned up and I'm seeking help to be a better man."

Ms Brown said on Twitter last night that she would be appearing on television to tell her side of the story.

"To talk TRUTH ... This one's for my son!" she said.