NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / New Zealand

When your dream job turns into a nightmare

Washington Post
21 Nov, 2019 12:34 AM5 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

You've made it through an exhausting interview process, put your reputation on the line getting your references involved and left workmates and a job you felt comfortable with, to take up an exciting position in a new workplace.

Before you start, you hear rumours of a toxic work culture, which
is confirmed during the first week when you're asked to help change a toxic workplace culture.

Your colleagues whisper warnings to you about each other and your desk neighbour brags about all the people she's "moved on" in a bitter restructuring. Another gets giddy when discussing the others' misfortunes.

Still, you think it will all work out fine.

Until, after a few weeks, the toxic workplace turns on you - the newest and most vulnerable in the office.

Instead of blaming an obviously toxic workplace, you blame yourself.

"My heart goes out to anyone in this situation, because it can have impacts personally and professionally," says Erica Steele, a career and personal counsellor.

"If you've never experienced this before, or don't know how to handle it, you might find yourself plunged into a state of shock or feeling overwhelmed on how to respond."

She says she has seen professional and competent people lose their confidence rapidly in these situations.

"They may have gone from hero to zero by changing jobs and not fitting in, it's just such a really awful place for that person to be," says Steele.

"They can feel like they are not assertive and also lonely if their partner is angry or their friends and family haven't experienced something like this."

If you know someone who is experiencing overwhelming challenges in their new job listen, show empathy, validate them and give feedback on their strengths.

Sometimes recovery can take time, so be there for them - especially if they are suffering stress, fatigue, a lack of confidence and identity issues, which could send them into a depressive cycle.

"Prevention is far better than the cure," says Steele.

"Generally, candidates don't do enough due diligence before they accept a role from a new employer."

She recommends a career coach to help people learn how to research and know what they want from a role or employer, as well as for advice on what's realistic to ask for, while building confidence in negotiating skills.

"It's worth investing in yourself before you go out to market for a new job.

Once you've learned these skills, you can use them over and over during your career changes."

So, why do things go wrong?

Steele says sometimes the job is not well-defined or without clear or realistic expectations.

It could also be blamed on an inadequate induction process, or lack of access to coaching, training or support in those initial months.

"More worryingly, health and safety factors, such as bullying, are at play," says Steele.

"Another factor is team dynamics - is there good communication and problem resolution processes within the team?"

She says a team bullying culture can emerge, such as gossip, whispers and cliques forming.

But, toxic cultures can also be down to manager burnout due to increased pressure, or even working in silos or remotely, making communication challenging.

A unified vision within the team is needed for a good culture, but team dynamics can change in an instant and become disjointed when factors such as restructuring, or changes in management, responsibilities or location are added to the mix.

"When new people don't get along with their managers or colleagues, think about what dynamics are playing out," says Steele, "because these can be very complex.

The bottom line is to get clear on what the dynamics are and what you can do in the short term and longer term."

However, it can be hard to find help because each situation is unique.

Expert assistance is not a one-size-fits-all solution and sometimes there needs to be a combination of professionals.

For example, Steele sometimes works with GPs, legal professionals or unions in order to help.

She says getting people access to resources to help them cope is essential and recommends the WorkSafe Bullying Prevention Toolbox, accessed for free at: worksafe.govt.nz/topic-and-industry/bullying-prevention-toolbox/

It's also a good idea to look into what employee assistance programmes are available to help get you through a difficult start, getting in writing that the discussions will be confidential.

"Acknowledge that this may be your rainy day, so ask for help and support - even though it's the last thing you may feel like doing," says Steele.

It's also a time to be gentle with yourself - spend time in nature, get good sleep and do restorative practices like yoga, as well as setting routines for structure in your day if you've left under a cloud.

"Restore balance with rest and support, as well as validation from those you trust and who know you well," says Steele.

"See your career relaunch as a small-step process, particularly if you're stressed and fatigued."

Contracting may be a good way to see how a workplace suits you and, remember, these situations are more common than you might realise, so don't feel ashamed to say it didn't work out.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Save

    Share this article

Latest from New Zealand

New Zealand

Should teen rapist be sentenced as a youth he was at the time, or the adult he is now?

Sport

All Black legend shares new health update after shock gym collapse

Crime

AK-47, heroin and explosives: The surprise stash inside former teen killer's home


Sponsored

Solar bat monitors uncover secrets of Auckland’s night sky

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from New Zealand

Should teen rapist be sentenced as a youth he was at the time, or the adult he is now?
New Zealand

Should teen rapist be sentenced as a youth he was at the time, or the adult he is now?

The Supreme Court is being asked if it was fair to sentence him as an adult.

20 Jul 08:00 AM
All Black legend shares new health update after shock gym collapse
Sport

All Black legend shares new health update after shock gym collapse

20 Jul 06:08 AM
AK-47, heroin and explosives: The surprise stash inside former teen killer's home
Crime

AK-47, heroin and explosives: The surprise stash inside former teen killer's home

20 Jul 06:00 AM


Solar bat monitors uncover secrets of Auckland’s night sky
Sponsored

Solar bat monitors uncover secrets of Auckland’s night sky

06 Jul 09:47 PM
NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP