We’re spoilt for choice, or are we? Wyn Drabble

Fish and chips were once straightforward and were called “shark ‘n’ tatie” for good reason, writes Wyn Drabble. Photo / NZME

Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, writer, public speaker and musician. He is based in Hawke’s Bay.

OPINION

In the 1950s if you asked for an ice cream cone, the vendor’s first question would be, “plain or flavoured?”

If you chose flavoured, there might only be one choice but, in a well-stocked dairy, possibly two (Neapolitan or hokey pokey).

“Plain” is now a goner and has become vanilla, or French vanilla.

Or even sustainably-harvested Tahitian vanilla. Also on offer will be green apple, licorice, Japanese green tea, dulce de leche, hazelnut (may contain traces of nuts), salted caramel, salt-free salted caramel or tiramisu.

And there’s even a choice of cones: standard, waffle, gluten-free, Disney character-shaped, low-carb, diet, planet-friendly, low-sodium, super-crunchy.

If you’re as old as I am, you will remember when there was only one sort of milk; it was full-fat cow’s milk and the cream rose to the top and was, in many households, much sought-after.

“Who stole the top milk?” was a not-uncommon, often vehemently-delivered question.

Full-fat cow’s milk was also delivered to schools and left in the sun to develop harmful bacteria before being consumed by unsuspecting kids at morning interval.

One remembers hoping for a frosty morning.

Now you can have full fat, low fat, skim (“lite”), enhanced calcium or organic but that’s limiting it to the cow. You can also buy oat milk, almond milk or soy milk.

How on Earth do you milk a soy bean?

Then there’s probably milk made from things nobody has heard of.

I can’t confirm this but I don’t feel I’m pushing the boundaries if I suggest there might even be dandelion milk – also available in a low-carb version.

And we used to have salt. Today there are many choices: English sea salt, New Zealand sea salt, coarse rock salt, table salt, iodised salt, rare Himalayan pink salt, salt-free salt, “lite” salt, to name but a few.

Cheese was easy in the 1950s: mild or tasty.

Flour, sugar and eggs were also easy. Not anymore.

Even fish and chips were straightforward. Yes, there may have been battered or crumbed but the fish variety seemed to remain the same; it wasn’t called “shark ‘n’ tatie” for no reason.

Today’s outlets will also offer premium fish varieties such as schnapper or blue cod if you’re willing to pay a surcharge. As an extra, you can even buy a little single-serve pack of tartare sauce, though what that is, scientists are still trying to determine.

In the 1950s we had never heard of an oat milk latte. The earliest coffee I remember came in a bottle as essence and contained something called chicory (though what that was one shuddered to think).

We could not have even dreamed – I still can’t – that one day coffee-lovers would be paying top dollar for coffee beans that had been pooped out by an animal.

Kopi luwak (literal translation – stuff you can feed to goats) is brewed from coffee beans that have passed through the digestive tract of the Asian palm civet where they would have been subjected to a combination of acidic, enzymatic and fermentation treatments. Yum!

Running a restaurant must have been somewhat easier decades ago as special dietary requirements hadn’t been invented.

Modern customer: Do you have anything low-fat and gluten-free that has passed through the digestive tract of a nocturnal carnivorous mammal? I’m also lactose-intolerant and diabetic.

Modern waiter: Coming right up, sir. Mild, medium or spicy?

It all makes me wonder whether we are better off with all these modern choices or do they just add confusion to already-cluttered lives? I decided to ask AI.

Mature adult vegans, press 1 for your answer.

Mature adult meat-eaters, press 2 (fries extra).

Small, harmless woodland creatures, press 3 (may contain nuts}…