Watch out for kittens and worms

They look cute now but just wait until they start breeding. Dangerous. Photo / Hagen Hopkins

I don't know how Workplace Relations and Safety Minister Michael Woodhouse did it.

He released the list of industries classified as high risk under the Health and Safety Reform Bill this week and there he was, fronting a posse of press reporters and defending the listing of worm farms and mini-golf parks as high risk.

There wasn't a flicker of unease to indicate he thought the whole thing a bunch of arrant nonsense.

The minister wants to hold on to the gig, so he'll spout the party line.

Worm farms, lavender farms and cat breeding have all been deemed high risk. Beef, dairy and sheep farming, however, are not considered dangerous occupations. This despite 104 farm workers having died over the past five years.

Woodhouse said risk was determined by the number of deaths and injuries measured against the number of workers.

Given there are 84,000 beef, dairy and sheep farming workers, Woodhouse said these industries fell below the threshold.

"Other livestock farming", including cat breeding and worm farming, had seen 11 deaths.

Placed alongside the number of employees in the "other" category, the formula makes "other" farming dangerous.

The bill has been drawn up using Australia and New Zealand Standard Industry Classification categories.

With crocodile farming and emu farming on the other side of the ditch, you could understand their "other livestock" category being high risk. But not ours.

The Government began working on the reform bill after the Pike River tragedy and in response to the many workplace deaths in New Zealand every year.

High-risk industries include those where there is potential for a catastrophic risk and, quite rightly, mining is one, as are electricity generation and rail freight transport.

Then come industries with high rates of fatality or serious injury, which include other livestock farming, "other crop growing" and "amusement and other recreation activities" - where mini-golf is lumped in with white-water rafting.

It's stupid, stupid law. It's farcical and it won't do anything to keep workers safe in seriously high-risk occupations.

The Pike River families were disappointed and the rest of the country was confused and bemused by this ill-thought-out piece of legislation.

As it is, Woodhouse stood there and took the ridicule like a pro.

I do wonder if he'd actually read the legislation. He told the media the categories were broken down to their appropriate granular level, whatever that means, and he had looked into the groupings of various industries but "not as closely as the media clearly have".

Translation: you've read the darned thing, I've just skimmed a briefing paper.

This bill put me in mind of the suggestion from the Labour/Greens coalition in their last days in Government.

Shane Jones was charged with telling us we could only have a certain amount of water coming through the shower head, to save water and, ultimately, the planet.

The country revolted and saw it as yet another stupid idea from a Government that had lost touch.

Thanks to a woeful Opposition and a charismatic leader, National seems to be able to get away with idiotic things, but a little more time spent in the select committee stage polishing this particular turd would have done National the world of good.

• Kerre McIvor is on Newstalk ZB, Monday to Thursday, 8pm-midnight.