Tia Hohaia was told to “join a rugby team and survive in the bush" during 17 years of conversion therapy at Kaitaia Abundant Life School and Kaitāia Abundant Life Church. Photo / Michael Cunningham
A former student of a controversial Far North school has spoken about her guilt and self-hatred after nearly two decades of enduring the now-banned practice of conversion therapy.
Tia Hohaia was told to “join a rugby team and survive in the bush for three days to reintroduce my masculinity” at one point during 17 years of conversion therapy at Kaitāia Abundant Life School, and Kaitāia Abundant Life Church, which the school is affiliated to.
The school announced in December it was closing from the end of term 2 because it didn’t want to implement Government changes that centre around gender identity because they conflict with its “Christian values”.
Hohaia, of Te Rarawa and Ngāpuhi descent, is now sharing her story to send a message to fellow LGBTQ+ people that “there is more than enough space in this world to be exactly who you are”.
She spoke to the Northern Advocate ahead of controversial anti-trans activist Kellie-Jay Keen-Minshull’s visit to New Zealand. The United Kingdom speaker, who calls herself Posie Parker, made an appearance in Auckland’s Albert Park where she was met by thousands of protesters and didn’t give an address before leaving.
Hohaia, who was born male and identifies as a transgender woman, attended Kaitāia Abundant Life School from 1995 to 2008.
During seven of her years at the school, and through university while still attached to the church, she was in conversion therapy, which involves trying to change or suppress a person’s sexual orientation or gender.
Hohaia recalls being 11 years old when she told the church pastor she was gay.
“Around the time... our church was vocal about being opposed to LGBT lifestyles.
“My fear of accepting ‘this is who I am’ was very much a reality. I thought the best way to not be gay was to tell my pastor.
“That’s when my conversion therapy began.”
The therapy involved “lots of counselling, therapy and prayer”, Hohaia said, with the ultimate goal “that one day I would be straight”.
But as the years went by and “nothing shifted”, Hohaia began to feel like a failure, and that she’d somehow let people down.
“At the time, because of all the religious teaching I’d received over the years, it becomes ingrained in you.
“I was confident this would be the way to go, though deep down I knew it would never happen.
“I thought if I stopped therapy and kept up the pretense that it worked, I wouldn’t have to face people’s disappointment.
“I became more and more disheartened.”
These feelings turned to self-hatred as Hohaia reached her teenage years, and lasted into her 20s.
She continued conversion therapy through university until 2016 when she finally decided to come out as gay.
“I told the leadership of Abundant Life Church and they thrust me back into therapy,” she said.
“I was removed from my leadership roles and told to join a rugby team and survive in the bush for three days to reintroduce my masculinity.”
Exhausted from fighting to be someone she wasn’t, Hohaia, now 32, turned to her four brothers who “were my biggest supporters”. She transitioned to being a woman in 2018.
“They were the reason I decided to let go of fighting who I was.
“I’m now surrounded by an incredible community, and our iwi, and workplace and friends.
“I’ve found being away from the church for these years has allowed me to find myself without guilt or shame.”
Now living in Auckland and commuting to Kaitāia occasionally for work as a project manager, Hohaia has undergone conventional therapy to “unlearn” a practice now banned in New Zealand.
Conversion therapy was outlawed in February 2022 after legislation passed its third and final reading at Parliament with the support of all but eight MPs.
The Human Rights Commission encourages communities having difficulty understanding or implementing the ban to reach out for guidance.
Group manager Andre Afamasaga, a former pastor and conversion practice survivor, said there is a misconception that the legislation prohibits people from preaching or praying about their beliefs.
“We respect the positive role that religion and spirituality can play in people’s lives and in communities,” Afamasaga said.
“But we are concerned that religious groups could be misunderstanding the law and our services.
“Our doors are open for us to listen, dialogue and build mutual understanding.”
Afamasaga said the legislation aims to save lives, prevent serious harm, and promote human rights.
“Conversion practices cause harm to young people navigating their sexuality or gender by encouraging them to deny inherent parts of themselves.
“The shame they feel can be overwhelming.”
When asked about conversion therapy, school trust chairwoman and proprietor chair Ivy Tan said in a statement: “We have supported all our students who have asked for help in anything they may be facing in life”.
“We have always operated with awhi and support.
“Everything we do here is done to help our students. Our thoughts are with all current or past students who are experiencing difficult times.”
Tan previously told the Northern Advocate she would be starting another school.
However, Tan confirmed that’s no longer the case.
“ALC proprietors will not be starting another school,” Tan said.
Hohaia said she is now “completely content” with who she is.
“I love who I am and how I do things, and my relationships with people.
“In my professional world, I’m able to express myself fully.
“There’s more than enough space in this world to be exactly who you are and not feel ashamed or guilty.
“Our world has changed. We live in a much more beautiful world than we did when I was younger.”