Rāwā (left) and Frankie before their baby was born. Photo / Nicole Gourley photography, supplied by TVNZ
Rāwā (left) and Frankie before their baby was born. Photo / Nicole Gourley photography, supplied by TVNZ
Trans man Frankie and husband Rāwā welcomed baby boy Hiwa-i-te-Rangi into the world last year.
The couple spoke to the Herald about pregnancy, birthing, and coming off testosterone.
They have shared their journey in an upcoming documentary.
In 2023, rural Canterbury couple Rāwā and Frankie welcomed baby Hiwa-i-te-Rangi (Hiwa) into their small family, and are now sharing their story to show other trans and gender-diverse Kiwis that carrying their own child can be possible.
The couple had experienced multiple miscarriages and undergone low-level fertility interventionswith no luck when Frankie (who had not been drinking) started vomiting at a South Island New Year’s Eve festival.
“We just assumed it was the unsanitary environment that we were in, because it was disgusting,” Frankie said.
“We got home and I don’t really know what possessed us to do it, but I was like, oh maybe I should do a pregnancy test because, you know, sometimes you just do it for shits and giggles and I did one and it was an immediate positive.”
Canterbury couple Rāwā and Frankie welcomed baby Hiwa-i-te-Rangi (Hiwa) last year. Photo / Nicole Gourley
Frankie sprinted upstairs to show the test to Rāwā.
“I couldn’t even say anything and Rāwā just looked at it and then he didn’t say anything and then we had a shower in silence and I don’t think we said anything for a few hours because we were just shell-shocked.”
The pair were beyond excited – with some dread in the mix too as they worried whether the pregnancy would last.
Frankie said when people start taking testosterone they are often told that testosterone therapy may cause infertility – but few studies have been done and the sample sizes have been small.
“We had to wait seven months before my body burned through the testosterone stores I had before we were given the green light to start trying to conceive.
“As it transpired the bigger barrier to getting pregnant, and the likely cause of the miscarriages, was my hypothyroid disease. I was thankfully referred and seen by the endocrine team who worked with our GP at the time to change my treatment to accommodate pregnancy.”
Frankie and Rāwā after the birth holding baby Hiwa.
Frankie had also suffered from gender dysphoria in the past (the distress suffered due to a mismatch between a person’s sense of their own gender and their sex assigned at birth) and felt some trepidation that when the physical changes of pregnancy started to kick in and accelerate, those feelings could come back.
“We prepared for dysphoria, but ... when I was dysphoric previously, it was because I wasn’t passing [as a man] and people didn’t see me as who I was.”
This time around, the changes to Frankie’s body were a deliberate choice – so they didn’t feel out of control, Frankie told the Herald.
“I’ve been through this forwards and backwards, transitioning from female to male and then coming off testosterone [to try to get pregnant] and my body somewhat going back to how it used to be – and then going through pregnancy.”
The couple had “prepared for doomsday” expecting Frankie’s body to become more feminine and wondering how Frankie would handle menstruating again, so the pair said it worked out better than expected.
Rāwā told the Herald they also spent time preparing for the complexities of going through a healthcare system not designed for trans pregnant people.
“I felt like I had an obligation to ensure Frankie was kept safe.”
While there were some moments of confusion – like a blood clinic telling Frankie their tests were normally reserved for women – the clinic in their rural Canterbury area was “totally on board with it” and they describe their midwife as phenomenal.
When Frankie and Rāwā told friends and family of their pregnancy there was “a lot of screaming”.
“It was just quite magical and very lovely and everybody and their cats and dogs wanted to be the aunty and uncle,” Rāwā said.
Through the pregnancy, the couple said they experienced a profound demonstration of how loved they are.
The pair have also chosen to share their journey to parenthood – including the heartbreak of their miscarriages and coming off testosterone – in a new documentary airing on TVNZ on November 11.
Frankie and Rāwā.
The documentary also covers Frankie’s home water birth, birthing complications, feeding, and the emotions the parents experienced after their son’s arrival.
Frankie said they chose to share their story publicly to raise visibility around carrying a child as a trans man.
When things were grey or miserable, Rāwā said other trans people’s responses to their story kept them going with the documentary.
“We might never have been able to have children and we had a couple of miscarriages but we might have given up at some point and just said, you know, what, we can’t do this any more,” Rāwā said.
While the couple are focused on raising baby Hiwa right now, they hope to grow their whānau in the future.
“If we only ever have one child, we are so blessed that we had such a beautiful birth and we were so well loved and looked after. But also, you know, we do want to have more children,” Frankie said.
Trans and Pregnant airs on Monday, November 11 at 7.30pm, TVNZ 1 and TVNZ+ as part of the Documentary NZ strand.
Katie Harris is an Auckland-based journalist who covers social issues including sexual assault, workplace misconduct, media, crime and justice. She joined the Herald in 2020.
