Top tips to get a difficult boss to listen

Unless you're self-employed or run your own company, chances are you have a boss. But as with any relationship where someone has authority over someone else (think parents versus kids), it's almost a given that personality and power clashes will occur.

Melissa Grainger, communication coach and director of Inspire Affect, says that no matter where you work or who you work with, there will always be people you clash with – because we're all a little bit different.

"We all bring different strengths, unique ideas and values to the table," she says. "But it also means we have different ways of working. Different needs, different values and different priorities can cause us to get on each other's nerves sometimes – and bosses aren't exempt from this."

Don't beat around the bush

Managers and bosses are time poor so if you take too long to get to the point they might switch off. Caroline Sandford, Executive Director at The Career Development Company, suggests planning in advance what you want to communicate and anticipate what questions your boss might ask. "Write a list of what you want to cover so you can be clear, direct and stay on track," she says. "Sometimes practicing in front of the mirror or with a family member or friend will help you to sort out what you want to say and how to say it."

What's in it for them?

If your boss doesn't see your problem as a priority, they might move onto something and someone else. It's not personal (although it might feel like it); it could simply be that your boss is too busy to deal with something that they're not invested in, so position your problem in a way that resonates with them.

Understand that your boss might be under a lot of pressure that you don't know anything about too. Grainger suggests putting yourself in their shoes for a moment. "Try to think less about what you want to say and more about what they need to hear from you."

Come down to their level

Dealing with your boss the way they like to communicate might set you up for greater success, says Sandford. "Do they like to communicate through email? Meetings? Phone? At the coffee maker? Once you understand your boss' preferred communication style, use this to communicate with them."

Know your worth & prove it regularly

Grainger says that your self-esteem can take a hit when dealing with a difficult boss, so it's important to remind yourself just how good you are at your job. "Don't just rely on others to notice and compliment your strengths," she says. "Celebrate your wins, write them down, keep track of all the great things you've done, and keep them handy during performance reviews."

Know when to escalate the problem – and give up

Sandford says that if difficult communication is affecting your work, see if there's another manager or someone in HR who you can talk to confidentially.

And don't be afraid to call it quits on a job that doesn't serve your professional aspirations or make you feel valued either. For your own sanity, it might be best to move on and start over at another job that makes you happy.