Toddler claims sex abuse after judge orders weekend visits with convict dad

• A judge granted unsupervised weekend visits to a father with recent convictions for possessing child abuse material.
• The mother says her 3-year-old daughter has now disclosed alleged sexual abuse twice after these visits.
• Advocates question the Family Court’s decision, emphasising the need for child welfare to be paramount.

CONTENT WARNING: This article refers to child sexual abuse. Helplines can be found at the bottom of the page.

A toddler has disclosed alleged sexual abuse after a judge granted her father unsupervised weekend visits, despite his recent convictions for possessing child abuse material.

The 3-year-old’s mother said she felt “helpless” and “alone” after being told the parenting order – which contains strict conditions forbidding the father from bathing, toileting or dressing the little girl – would not be changed and she would have to continue sending her daughter for visits.

Mother Alicia’s* then-husband, Dennis* was convicted in 2022 of possessing objectionable material in the form of child sexual abuse imagery. He received a home detention sentence for the offending and was granted permanent name suppression.

The pair were locked in a custody battle over their daughter, Lily*, until October last year.

At the hearing, a report referred to Dennis as being at low risk of reoffending. Judge Dean Blair granted Dennis custody every second weekend.

The parenting order, which has been viewed by the Herald, contains a list of strict restrictions for Dennis.

The judge ordered the father could have his toddler come stay unsupervised every second weekend.

It states Lily must sleep in her own bed, and Dennis cannot carry out personal care for her, including toileting, bathing, and dressing. This must be done by his partner or his own mother.

“For the avoidance of doubt, [Dennis] can assist with teeth/face/hair, and outer clothing,” the order states.

He is also forbidden from being intoxicated while she is in his care, and is ordered to have “zero access to any pornographic material of the type for which [he] has been convicted at any time whatsoever (regardless of whether [Lily] is in his care or not)”.

Alicia felt the decision should have required Dennis to be supervised at all times.

“I feel like the decision let Lily down.”

Alicia contacted the Herald after her daughter had spent several days in Dennis' care at the end of last year.

She said Lily came home in a fragile state, crying often and unexpectedly and refusing to allow others near her, particularly when it came to bathing and dressing.

“The day after I picked her up, most of the day, when she was awake she was crying. I just couldn’t work it out.”

She googled signs of sexual abuse in children, fearing the worst. “I just said to her ‘Has someone touched you, Lily?’ She goes ‘yeah’ ... she pointed to her vagina and she goes ‘here’.

“I just froze. I got my s**t together and I rang the police.”

Alicia took Lily to the hospital for an examination and claimed Lily told the examining professional: “Other Dad touched my fufu.” “Other Dad” is the name the family uses for Dennis, while Alicia’s now-husband is her main father figure.

Alicia was told Dennis' explanation to police was that Lily had needed help on the toilet when his wife was not present, so he assisted her on the toilet in breach of the parenting order. Alicia said Lily was not yet toilet-trained, was still using nappies and did not yet know how to say she wanted to go to the toilet.

A father with convictions for possessing child abuse material was granted unsupervised visits with his toddler with heavy restrictions on what duties he is allowed to carry out.

“The police had said to me that the investigation was over, that they didn’t have enough evidence ... they said that as from then, she had to go back to contact as normal with her father. That’s when I really started freaking out.”

Alicia said her lawyer told her it would be pointless to take the matter back to the Family Court, as all they would do was “admonish” Dennis for breaching the parenting order.

“I worry every time, like when she is away. It’s not just the handing over that’s the worst part, it’s her being away and knowing that she’s there with him.”

Alicia felt “helpless” to protect her child and believes “there’s no clause in the law that says that we can keep our child away from someone that is hurting the child.”

Since the Herald began investigating the case, Alicia claims Lily has made another disclosure of sexual abuse.

“I asked her to show me how he touched her. She had no nappy on and rubbed her privates up and down sexually.

“At bedtime, she was scared and asked me if she could sleep in mine and Dad’s bed. Then I settled her enough and as I was leaving her bedroom she said ‘make sure you go to your own bed, Mum’.”

She said Lily had also made comments to her that she didn’t like staying at Dennis' house and wanted to run away.

“It’s a horrible situation which should never have happened. We feel alone,” Alicia said, adding she is now refusing to hand over Lily for visits.

“I do not intend on sending Lily back for contact, period. I am heartbroken for my daughter and having to go through the same process again.”

A police spokeswoman confirmed they had received a report in December “that a child may have been sexually assaulted”.

The investigation involved a medical examination, a specialist child interview and interviews with relevant parties.

“The investigation did not identify any evidence that would establish that criminal offending had occurred,” the spokeswoman said.

A police spokesman confirmed they had received a report of sexual offending on February 23 as well.

“Police are working alongside Oranga Tamariki to determine what occurred and support the young person involved.”

An advocate has questioned whether an order listing so many safeguards is of use when the father has unsupervised visits anyway. Photo / Melissa Nightingale

Safeguarding Children chief executive Willow Duffy said there were often cases where children disclosed abuse and there was insufficient evidence to lay a charge.

“A lack of charge or conviction does not mean it didn’t happen,” she said.

“We also hear a lot about cases where parenting orders are made for unsupervised contact with parents for whom there are either convictions of concern or behaviour of concern.”

Duffy questioned whether the concerns of parents and other agencies were given enough weight in the Family Court against a parent’s right to have contact with their child.

“Is child welfare paramount in the decision of the judge? If [there are] rules around a parent not undressing or bathing a child due to their risk of sexual offending, is it actually enough when that parent can have unsupervised time alone with that child?”

Duffy said people who sexually abuse children “can and do break the rules to enable their abuse”.

“The judge may be privy to risk assessment information that reassured them that this man would not do that; we would hope that risk assessment was very robust and clear in this reassurance, if that is the case to safeguard the child.”

The Backbone Collective, a charity that gathers insights from victim-survivors to improve responses, has been advocating for a safer Family Court response for cases that involve family and/or sexual violence.

“Backbone has heard from hundreds of women over the last eight years that rather than being protected, their children are forced into ongoing and unsupervised contact with their abuser,” said co-founder Deborah Mackenzie.

“Our 2017 survey uncovered that even when abusive fathers used physical and/or sexual violence against their children, the Family Court still ordered children into their unsupervised care.”

Their survey also found court-appointed psychologists and lawyers were often not accurately reporting what children had told them to the Family Court, she said.

Help Auckland executive director and clinical psychologist Kathryn McPhillips said viewing child abuse material was a common pathway to in-person offending.

“Alarmingly, we found that when sexual abuse of children is disclosed, professionals often accuse the mother of making up the allegations ... in a tragic twist, police often defer to the Family Court rather than investigating the child’s disclosures, and the Family Court then sees a lack of police involvement as a sign that the allegation is unfounded.

“It’s a catch-22 – it’s impossible for some mothers to protect their children from further abuse."

Clinical psychologist and executive director of sex abuse survivor advocacy group Help Auckland, Kathryn McPhillips, said the court had a responsibility to keep children safe when a caregiver can’t, but “we see many children for whom this has not been the reality”.

“Watching images of children being sexually abused feeds an eroticisation to child sexual abuse. This is a known pathway to in-person sexual abuse of children. Assessing the risk of any particular adult moving along this pathway is not an accurate science,” McPhillips said.

The solution was to put children’s rights at the centre, listen to their disclosures of sexual abuse, wrap specialist services around those with alleged harmful behaviour and those who are hurt, and keep protecting children until risk is reduced to baseline, she said.

Chief victims advisor to the Government Ruth Money said legislation governing convicted sex offenders' access to children would help “make the intent crystal clear” to judges.

“I think we have become very complacent in New Zealand about child abuse and until we start with the children at the centre and we start acknowledging that children are the taonga and then make decisions from that point, we will remain internationally embarrassed until then.”

In response to questions on whether new legislation was needed in this area, a spokesman for Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith said “the minister cannot comment on individual court cases or decisions”.

*Names have been changed to abide by automatic court suppressions for Family Court matters.

Melissa Nightingale is a Wellington-based reporter who covers crime, justice and news in the capital. She joined the Herald in 2016 and has worked as a journalist for 10 years.