The war on P: Phoebe's story

DANCING WITH THE DEVIL

I first tried meth in the comfort of my home, with my father 18 months ago.

I had an excellent job, a flash car and loads of friends. All of which I lost within a few weeks.

I got hooked very fast and my use doubled in a matter of weeks. I lost about 35kg in less than six months. I lost my job and started to lose my friends. I didn't care at the time, thinking they were all just jealous of my new "cool" life. I found friends that smoked and we would stay up for days, sometimes weeks without sleep, without food. I thought I was fine.

I lost all contact with my mother, sister and grandmother. My mental state went up and down so fast and I had a lot of arguments with the people I loved. When we were all "high" we used to have arguments where things were thrown, things got broken or smashed. Life was full of dramas. Looking back, I wonder why I didn't make the decision to stop sooner.

Last September, I had a breakdown and tried to commit suicide. I was a mess.

I had my best friend pin me down while I was administered drugs by ambulance staff. I was taken to hospital and was watched by a cop for 24 hours.

I continued to cook meth and take even more. I lost the "high" and it became a normal way of living. I was able to eat and sleep on the drug my system was so used to it. The people I cooked with got busted and I decided to take a step back. This was the best decision I ever made.

Over time I smoked less and less and felt so much better. I'm not saying it was easy, because having it so easily accessible and free the temptation was always there.

Things were going well until a pipe was offered and we couldn't say no. This night was the worst we had had in a long time. Me and two of my girlfriends got beaten up by a male, my car was attacked with a bottle and all of our wallets were stolen. We agreed it was karma.

I decided to go it alone and give up. I lost all contact with my friends that used and stopped taking it. This time it was really easy, I didn't want it, I didn't need it. I've had it once since this night and I didn't even get a "high". This is when I had finally kicked the devil.

I don't hate meth, not at all. I made a choice to dance with the devil, I'm better for having danced with him and stronger for having kicked him in the teeth.

I see my friends all wasting away and I just feel sorry for them. I did learn a few things that might help people out there. You can't help someone on it until they are ready to be helped. And don't push them to stop, people will stop when they are ready.

My advice to people thinking of trying it - I'm not going to say don't do it because I'd be a hypocrite. I'd say, think about what you have, if you are prepared to lose it all, and I mean all, do it. Be warned, it's not fun.

Phoebe