The Shame Game: Golriz Ghahraman and Wellington mayor Tory Whanau discuss their public humiliation on The Elephant

The Elephant is a new online video series that tackles the conversations New Zealanders often avoid. It dives into big, uncomfortable questions, looking beyond the echo chambers in search of a fearless and honest debate. This week in the opening episode, hosts Miriama Kamo and Mark Crysell talk to two prominent politicians about being publicly shamed.

Former Green MP Golriz Ghahraman and Wellington Mayor Tory Whanau have spoken openly about the shame they have experienced - and how they have helped each other - after their respective shoplifting and public drinking scandals.

“I feel shame and it’s very deep seated and it’s maybe never, ever going to go away,” says Ghahraman, detailing the fallout after she was convicted on four counts of shoplifting and had to leave politics.

Speaking on the new online video series The Elephant, Ghahraman tells hosts Miriama Kamo and Mark Crysell she is still navigating the impact of her actions on the communities she represents:

“I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for letting down the refugee community or the Iranian community. I will never fully get over that.”

But the shame, she says, didn’t begin with the discovery of her crimes - rather it began with the shame of not coping with trauma. A trauma, she says, that was rooted in her refugee past and the sustained abuse she received during her political career.

“It was seven years of, not online abuse, but actual quite serious threats… what the expert report in front of the court described as increasingly graphic, credible threats of rape and death.”

While Ghahraman is quick to say this is not an excuse for shoplifting, she says it was a reflection of her inner state – shame which led her to act out shamefully.

“It was all about feeling that worthlessness. It never felt good. It was always about, see, you’re crazy, you’re stupid, you’re wrong, you’re a bad person.”

Close friend Mayor Tory Whanau is defensive of the ex-MP. As a former chief of staff for the Green Party, she says she looked out for Ghahraman as the abuse escalated.

“I witnessed the death threats that she received for weeks, for years. I had to escort her to events because I was worried about her safety.

“So when I see… articles about something that has been and done and she has apologised for, re-traumatising her in the public again, I get angry.”

The mayor also discusses the fallout from her own controversy which, by her own admission, saw her drink too much in public. She also attributes this behaviour to online abuse and negative attention.

“I’ve been caught drinking a bit much, right? And, you know, I didn’t really know it at the time, but it was down to extreme stress of harassment… like Golriz, when you’re constantly receiving this really hateful behaviour by anonymous people, but also your own colleagues, you know, it creates so much anxiety and depression and stress inside yourself that, for me, sure, I need some wine.

“And, you know, then it became public, and I just kind of had to deal with it publicly.”

Former Green MP Golriz Ghahraman and Wellington Mayor Tory Whānau have spoken openly about the shame they have experienced - and how they have helped each other.

That sense of embattlement was worsened when councillor Ray Chung was found to have sent an email about the mayor that was widely criticised. Nonetheless, Whanau says, the fallout took its toll.

“It was isolating. So I would often just stay home and only go to what I had to with work because I was too paranoid about people looking at me or whispering about me.”

Ghahraman is angry about the media reaction to Whanau’s predicament.

“I’ve seen the questions that media sent to Tory’s office… was the mayor, I don’t know, touching a man from the next table at the restaurant? What is that? That’s sexual harassment!”

Whanau adds; “They asked if I committed a sex act publicly at a bar, based on the rumour. It was just wild seeing those questions”.

The desire to shame, says Australian psychiatrist Dr Tanveer Ahmed, is a feature throughout history.

“You think of the medieval public hangings, the mobs. There’s an element of that, people baying for blood.”

Along with psychologist Dr Dougal Sutherland and talent agent Glenda Hughes, Ahmed dissects the nature of shame, how to navigate it and, importantly, how to recover from it.

After suffering his own public shaming through a plagiarism scandal, Ahmed was well placed to write a book, In Defence of Shame.

He explores a movement of humanity from a moral axis of ‘honour and shame’ to a more recent ‘sin redemption’ model. What’s missing in modern life, he says, are rituals where a shamed individual may be rehabilitated and reintegrated back into the community.

Former Green Party of Aotearoa MP Golriz Ghahraman in the dock of the Auckland District Court where she pleaded guilty to charges of shoplifting. Photo / Dean Purcell

For Ghahraman, forgiveness from others and herself is key, but she says, “I don’t want us to feel like we need a redemption arc. I actually want us to find peace”.

As for returning to public life, Ghahraman says she’s unlikely to re-enter politics — but that doesn’t mean she’s stepping away completely.

“I don’t see myself in politics again — it’s not the only way to serve. I’ll keep writing, working in the community, and I’m joining the Refugee Women’s Council board. You don’t have to stay in harmful spaces to make a difference.”

Since her interview for The Elephant, Whanau has confirmed to the Herald that she plans to run for Parliament for the Green Party, possibly in the 2029 election.

Watch, listen, and join the conversation — new episodes drop every Thursday across digital, social, and broadcast platforms. The Elephant is made with the support of NZ On Air.