KEY POINTS:
One glance at tonight's sporting schedule and my dear old Dad's words of wisdom come flooding back: "Look, just get your stuffen priorities right."
Now those words did the trick in terms of getting the lawns done once Big League Soccer was over, but I'm not sure they're going to cut it this time round.
Just try getting your head around this evening's menu of must-sees: The Warriors' final do-or-die home game, the mighty Auks vs the dastardly Cantabs, Valerie Vili putting her shot, our rowers trawling for gold, the latest instalment in the Graham Henry-Chris Rattue showdown, opening day of the English Premier League, and a doco on Big Fat Elvis.
OK, those last two may be first against the wall on many of your lists, but on mine, they're right up there.
But even if you put them aside that list still seems longer than this interminable winter.
From the kick-off of Auckland's NPC match at 5.30pm there's an unbroken litany of running, hiffing, splashing and booing at Wayne Barnes for the next 12.5 hours until the whistle's finally blown on the Liverpool-Sunderland match.
Then it all gets repeated. You'd need to have been on one of Arthur Lydiard's torturous stamina programmes for the past year to wring every ounce of sporting drama from that lot.
But never fear, there are ways and means. Obviously there's cheating, and I'm not talking about drugs. No, I mean that new-fangled technology whereby once you've completed a 10-month course in the arcane arts of jiggerypockery you can record stuff for later enjoyment.
But that's not a solution. Because if you're a true blue sports fan, it's either live or it's dead. No ifs, no buts.
So, verily, this is the time for seasoned couch spuds to wipe the chip crumbs from their bellies, wheeze with pride and hold their remotes high. For your sun is rising and the rest of us have no choice but to clear a spot among the pizza boxes and bask in your unrivalled ability to watch up to six channels at the same time.
The All Blacks milling about for a scrum? Flick over for a Vili update. China's anthem comes on for the umpteenth time? Check what's happening with the Arsenal. Easy, and we won't miss a thing. Well, not much anyway.
So it seems we have a new piece of wisdom: If a job can't be done properly, then a half-arsed version will just have to do. You got that, Dad?
SPORTWATCHER'S DIARY
TODAY
* Rugby: Bay of Plenty v North Harbour 2.30pm, SS1
* League: Warriors v Sharks 7.30pm, SS2
* Rowing: Men's single sculls (Mahe Drysdale) final 7.50pm, women's pair oar (Nicola Cole/Juliette Haigh) final 8.10pm, men's pair oar (George Bridgewater/Nathan Twaddle) final 8.30pm, women's double sculls (Caroline/Georgina Evers-Swindell) final 8.50pm, men's double sculls (Nathan Cohen/Rob Waddell) final 9.10pm (TV One).
* Soccer: Arsenal v West Bromich Albion 11.30pm, SS2
* Rugby: Tri-Nations, South Africa v New Zealand, Newlands, Cape Town 12.50am SS1/Rugby Channel
* Athletics: Women's shot put (Valerie Vili), qualifying 1.10pm, final 1.10am
TOMORROW
* Chelsea v Portsmouth 12.25am
* Counties Manukau v Otago, Mt Smart Stadium 7pm SS1/Rugby Channel
* Rowing: Men's lightweight double sculls (Peter Taylor/Storm Uru) final 7.50pm (TV One)
