The good oil: Falcon gets facelift

Ford Australia will unveil the upgraded Falcon towards the middle of the year and New Zealanders can expect to see it soon after. But the changes are more likely to be cosmetic than structural, despite criticisms of its design. Subtle tweaks to the grille and bumpers will give the car, the bestselling model in New Zealand last year, its fresh look. The facelift model will be called the Falcon AU Series II.


Catchy little number


Yogi Berra was the famous catcher for the New York Yankees baseball team in the 40s and 50s. But he is perhaps best remembered for his malapropisms. Things like, "If people don't want to come to the ball park, how are you going to stop them?" Or, "We made too many wrong mistakes." Or the time he and a couple of his old team-mates were driving to a baseball hall of fame function when the car phone rang. Berra told the caller: "We're lost but we're making good time." General Motors reckons old Yogi, now in his 80s, must still be good for a quote because it is calling a safety feature in its latest Buick LeSabre the "Catcher's Mitt." It's an active head restraint - similar to that found in every new Saab - designed to catch and cushion the head and neck in a rear impact collision. GM probably won't risk asking Yogi to describe how it works. He might repeat another Yogi-ism: "It's like deja vu all over again."


Just the ticket


A Napier reader would like the people who run Eden Park to paint in large letters the word Ticketek over one of the ticket windows at the back of the new ASB stand. He and a mate booked seats through the agency for the one-day cricket game against the Windies on January 2. They left Napier early on the Sunday, but had a puncture near Matamata and arrived at the ground only minutes before the start. They asked an attendant where the Ticketek office was and were told to queue at the "second window." There are quite a few windows at the back of the ASB stand. Seeing as most everything in the Western world is numbered left to right, they joined the long line at queue No 2. Fifteen minutes later, still in the queue, our man said to no one in particular, "She's gotta be dyslexic." They soon found their tickets at the "second window" from the right.


Seat with a phew


Four-wheel-drive owners who have just returned from camping and coping with basic toilet facilities at some of the country's more isolated beaches or lakes might like to mark down for future reference the latest American accessory. It's a toilet seat called Uncle Booger's Bumper Dumper that attaches to the vehicle's towbar. You, um, can sit in comfort while trying to figure out why Uncle Booger invented it in the first place.


Stacking them up


First there was the ML320, the four-wheel-drive which appeared in the movie Jurassic Park. Then came the ML430, the muscular V8. Now Mercedes-Benz is gearing up for the mid-year release here of the ML270, the five-cylinder turbo-diesel. Auto Motor and Sport on Friday night puts the ML270 through its paces. The Triangle Television show also compares the Saab 9-5 and Volvo S80, takes a look at the latest Lamborghini Diablo and explains why stacking systems could help solve the world's parking problems.


WE ARE THE WORLD


*Actor Jean-Claude Van Damme gets himself out of all sorts of on-screen scrapes. But off-screen he's just another citizen. That's what Hollywood cops told him when they stopped his car on Sunset Boulevard and arrested him for drunken driving.

*Luciano Pozuli, aged 18, wanted a Mercedes-Benz for his birthday. But his mum and dad reckoned the Merc was a bit flash for a young man in Sora, Italy, so they bought him a Fiat. Luciano burned down the family home.

*A thief had to jog to a police station in Hanover, Germany, handcuffed to the police car. His body odour was so bad that police wanted him downwind and outside.