NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
    • The Great NZ Road Trip
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • Deloitte Fast 50
    • Generate wealth weekly
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / New Zealand

The 'awkward conversation': One couple's ongoing struggle to conceive

Alice Peacock
Alice Peacock
Reporter·Herald on Sunday·
18 Aug, 2018 05:00 PM3 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save
    Share this article
Gaby Reid and her partner decided to start trying for a baby after they got married. So far, they've had no luck.

Gaby Reid says the most challenging part of infertility is that no one talks about their struggles.

"It's an awkward conversation," she says.

But that doesn't put people off from asking questions.

Reid says after she had been married to her husband, Jonny Gabriel, for a certain amount of time, people started asking questions around her plans and commenting on the dreaded "timeline".

"You start getting people saying, 'tick tock, tick tock'."

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

• READ MORE: Are Kiwis less fertile than other high-income countries?

The 35-year-old says this has been challenging. She tended to keep her and Gabriel's battle to herself, so outsiders' comments have made her feel quite alone in their struggle.

Reid and Gabriel, both Auckland-based high school teachers, began trying for a baby in 2015.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

When nothing initially happened they went to see a doctor. They went through the usual tests - for sperm count, and endometriosis, but all of the results came back clear.

The couple wound up in the large and murky bracket of "unexplained infertility" - a label Reid said was as frustrating as it was painful.

"Because there's no reason for it, there's no public funding for us until we've been infertile for five years."

The funding for the government subsidised IVF and fertility treatment was based on a points system. It takes into account age, previous experiences with infertility and the length of time a couple had spent trying to conceive.

Discover more

Lifestyle

Rise in infertility among New Zealanders

31 Oct 04:00 PM
New Zealand

IVF not a silver bullet

03 Nov 01:56 AM
Lifestyle

When you can't have baby number two

18 May 09:00 PM
New Zealand

'Restrictive' guidelines holding back NZ fertility research

21 Jun 05:00 PM
Gaby Reid and Jonny Gabriel. Photo / Jason Oxenham
Gaby Reid and Jonny Gabriel. Photo / Jason Oxenham

Although March 2020 - the month Reid and Gabriel become eligible for funding - is on the horizon, Reid is a realist about their chances.

She believes there would be around a year-long wait list for those eligible, and she knows IVF doesn't have a positive outcome every time.

In the meantime, Reid is considering trying intrauterine insemination - a fertility treatment with a higher success rate than the natural process.

This treatment comes at a cost of about $900.

In an attempt to fix the issue herself, Reid has quit smoking and is working on losing weight.

Research linking acupuncture and conception prompted her to spend hundreds of dollars on weekly acupuncture sessions - but she stopped after several months due to the cost.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

She and Gabriel are taking the journey one step at a time, she says.

"It changes week from week. Like this week I'm like, 'Okay it's all good.'

"But then other weeks it will be really horrible, and you don't want to see pregnant women and you don't want to talk about children."

Reid said it was good to hear there was research going on in this space.

"It might give some answers, it might highlight why people are struggling or why there is such a high infertility rate in NZ.

"It's so hard when you don't know, when there isn't a reason for it."

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Save
    Share this article

Latest from New Zealand

New Zealand

Bringing employer into disrepute: Why Stuart Nash’s job was at risk

11 Sep 09:01 AM
Entertainment

Bad Bunny left US off worldwide tour due to fear of ICE raids at concerns

Watch
11 Sep 08:16 AM
Politics

‘Things are changing’: Te Pāti Māori MP suddenly removed from role, addresses Ferris' post

11 Sep 07:27 AM

Sponsored

Kiwi campaign keeps on giving

07 Sep 12:00 PM
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from New Zealand

Bringing employer into disrepute: Why Stuart Nash’s job was at risk
New Zealand

Bringing employer into disrepute: Why Stuart Nash’s job was at risk

Employment law expert says companies can act on conduct outside of work.

11 Sep 09:01 AM
Bad Bunny left US off worldwide tour due to fear of ICE raids at concerns
Entertainment

Bad Bunny left US off worldwide tour due to fear of ICE raids at concerns

Watch
11 Sep 08:16 AM
‘Things are changing’: Te Pāti Māori MP suddenly removed from role, addresses Ferris' post
Politics

‘Things are changing’: Te Pāti Māori MP suddenly removed from role, addresses Ferris' post

11 Sep 07:27 AM


Kiwi campaign keeps on giving
Sponsored

Kiwi campaign keeps on giving

07 Sep 12:00 PM
NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP