Hamish Walker ain't doin' the Muller Gang no favours. Photo / Mark Mitchell
COMMENT
Wild Hamish Walker
Now listen here. I'm a deputy in the Muller Gang, and I got something to say. I done heard when I was in the saloon this morning that a whole bunchof very, very sick folks from India, Pakistan and Korea are headed this way. Now I ain't got nothing against Asians. No, sir. But let's get one thing straight. They ain't white. I say we form a lynch mob right now because it's gonna be awful hard to see 'em after it gets dark.
Sheriff Muller
Now listen here. I'm the head of the Muller Gang, and I got something to say. I have a dream. It may shock and amaze you because it's a dream the likes of which no one has ever had before. But I can't hold it back no more. Folks, my dream is this: I want to build a road.
Some of you fellows in the press have been asking me for proof about the very, very sick coloured folks headed this way. Well, okay. Don't ask me how, but I got hold of a mighty confidential list of 18 names. Some of 'em might be coloured, I don't rightly know.
Sheriff Muller
A big road, too.
Wild Hamish Walker
Some of you fellows in the press have done gone told the country about how a mystery varmint has passed on a whole heap of mighty confidential material and I sure didn't expect you to do that.
Sheriff Muller
Four lanes.
Plum Loco Michelle Boag
Now listen here. I'm an endlessly blathering spokesperson on behalf of the Muller Gang, and I got something to say. It was me who handed over that mighty confidential information to Wild Hamish. I did it because I have a strong sense of obligation to others. Y'all know I only ever act out of noble intentions.
I done quit the Muller Gang. The honest truth is that I ain't doin' it no favours.
Sheriff Muller
Fantastic road.
Plum Loco Michelle Boag
I done quit the Muller Gang. The honest truth is that I ain't doin' it no favours.
Sheriff Muller
Any questions about the road?
Whitey Collins
"We ain't quittin' the Muller Gang, are we, honey child," I crooned to the porcelain doll I held in my lap. She's the best-damned friend I got in the whole world. I can tell her anything. We sit up in my attic all day long just talkin'. Well, I do the talkin'; she just looks at me with her big blue eyes of glass, and a pretty smile fixed on her face. "Ain't no need to quit. We'll just sit tight and wait for the Muller Gang to fall apart – and then we'll take over, just like we always planned. Ain't that right, honey child?" I love that doll. She done wrote my new book.
Wild Hamish Walker
I opened the doors of the saloon and it went quiet. The only sound was my boots on the floorboards as I walked to the bar. I asked for a shot of whiskey. The barkeep said, "You don't belong here no more. Git. Go on, git." Well, I don't stand for prejudice, so I walked right on out of there and climbed on my horse. The sun had gone down. It got cold. I headed south. The track through the canyon was narrow and full of treacherous holes. Someone should build a road.