Steve Braunias: The secret diary of the new fuel tax

JACINDA ARDERN

I will not be taking further questions on the existence of Russian spies in New Zealand. That matter is closed.

I will not be taking further questions on the performance of broadcasting minister Clare Curran. That matter is closed.

I will not be taking further questions on sexual assault claims at a Labour youth camp. That matter is closed.

But I take great pleasure in fronting a press conference, supported by transport minister Phil Twyford, Julie Anne Genter from the Green Party, and Shane Jones from New Zealand First, to announce the Government's exciting new initiatives in regard to road safety, congestion reduction and public transport access.

Now all this will cost money, which is why the government is raising an excise tax on petrol by 9 to 12 cents a litre over the next three years.

And you know what that works out to? Nothing. Next to nothing.

PHIL TWYFORD

The Prime Minister is absolutely right when she says it will cost motorists next to nothing.

Because right next to nothing, just along the road from it, a few doors down so to speak, is not much.

I have done the figures, looked into the contingencies and the possibilities, consulted finance minister Grant Robertson, thrown the dice, and at the most, the very most, as in off the chart, not even likely, is that it will cost the average motorist less than a cup of coffee a week.

JACINDA ARDERN

A standard flat white costs about $4.50.

So all motorists have to do is picture themselves at a petrol station, filling their tank, whistling a merry tune, and saying to themselves, "You know, I might just splash out on a flat white while I'm here. It's not going to kill me."

Mobil has the On The Run cafes. BP is renowned for its Wild Bean Cafes. Z has a wide range of freshly brewed coffees available at over 140 of their large stations. Gull serves Helova Coffee, a premium blend of top-grade Arabica beans. The blend of beans comes from Brazil, Guatemala and Kenya, giving your cup a sweet, full-bodied taste with addictive milk chocolate notes. Their slogan is "We've got it when you want it".

So we should just bear that in mind.

PHIL TWYFORD

Of course the trouble with ordering a coffee that has a sweet, full-bodied taste with addictive milk chocolate notes is that there are hidden costs.

For example, Auckland motorists will also face Auckland Council's plans to introduce a 10 cent regional fuel tax to pay for its share of transport projects.

That would see Aucklanders confronted with tax increases of up to 22 cents a litre — adding about $15 to the cost of filling a tank.

But the average tank is about 50 litres, and if it only needs filling up once a fortnight, the weekly increase works out to be about $7.50.

Now that's still less than a cup of coffee a week because a large caramel macchiato at Starbucks, with marshmallows (20 cents) and flavouring (vanilla, hazelnut, Irish, 60 cents), will cost $7.90.

JACINDA ARDERN

In any case the excise increase is relatively small compared with the previous government's six increases during its time in office, and there are no hidden costs.

PHIL TWFORD

There are no hidden costs. None. Next to none, because next to none, just along the road from it, a few doors down so to speak, is GST, which wasn't included in my costings.

What that means is that motorists will pay between 10.35 cents and 13.8 cents a litre when GST is added.

JACINDA ARDERN

I will not be taking further questions on the ever-ballooning fuel tax. That matter is closed, and I'm going to France next week. Au revoir!