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Home / New Zealand

Steve Braunias: The Secret Diary of ... Level 4

Steve Braunias
By Steve Braunias
Senior Writer·NZ Herald·
27 Aug, 2021 05:00 PM3 mins to read

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New Zealand will stay in lockdown until 11.59pm on Tuesday - and Auckland will likely remain at level 4 for a fortnight after that, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern says.
Steve Braunias
Opinion by Steve Braunias
Steve Braunias writes for the Listener and Newsroom.
Learn more

OPINION:

Auckland

This is Australia's fault.

Wellington

This is Auckland's fault.

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Northland

We don't want anything to do with Auckland.

Coromandel

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We don't want anything to do with Auckland.

The South Island

Discover more

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20 Aug 02:26 AM
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We don't want anything to do with the North Island.

The average New Zealander

Wake up.

Go back to sleep.

John Campbell (with Wendy Petrie) reminds us we are living in EXTRAORDINARY! times.
John Campbell (with Wendy Petrie) reminds us we are living in EXTRAORDINARY! times.

Shower. Make breakfast. Watch Breakfast. "Extraordinary," says John Campbell, about everything. Change channel to The AM Show. Something was missing.

Go back to sleep.

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Go for a walk. Other people are going for a walk. They should stay home and save lives.
Watch the 1pm press conference. You've got to hand it to those signers. No pun intended.

Need sugar. Go to the supermarket. The queues aren't too bad. Come home and put away milk, pet food, biscuits, mince, bananas, carrots, potatoes, rice, and pasta. Forgot to get the sugar.

Mop the floor. Scrub the bath. Clean out the fridge. Wash and dry the laundry. Mop the floor.

Night falls. Watch the 6pm news. "Lockdown is having an impact," says the Prime Minister. How? The numbers are up.

Stare at the walls. The walls stare back.

Go to bed.

Who can sleep?

The extreme New Zealander

They don't know what's in the vaccine.

They're not telling us the truth.

They're up to something.

They're under the bed.

Who can sleep?

Prime minister Jacinda Ardern and Director General of Health Dr Ashley Bloomfield hold the Post Cabinet Covid-19 lockdown update. Photo / Pool
Prime minister Jacinda Ardern and Director General of Health Dr Ashley Bloomfield hold the Post Cabinet Covid-19 lockdown update. Photo / Pool

Dr Ashley Bloomfield

We'll get there in the end.

Dr Michael Baker

The end is in sight.

Dr Jacinda Ardern

The end justifies the means.

The pious left

Elimination is the only way we can beat the pandemic. We know this because we know best.

Jacinda is in front of the vaccine roll-out, the testing centres, the swift and efficient contact tracing. We know this because we voted for her.

Lockdown is hard on business but it's the only alternative. We know this because we can work from home and we're alright Jack.

Reports here and overseas are making savage criticisms of the government's response, but they're driven by right-wing ideology and the need for clicks. We know this because we only trust media reports that confirm we know best.

The angry right

Helter Delta! Coming down fast! So what? Of course you can't eliminate Delta! ScoMo knows the score! He called out Ardern's response, and said it was "absurd"! But of course she won't listen to sense! She's not living in the real world! In the real world, you have to live with the pandemic! Sure, maybe die from it, too! But death comes to us all! Look at the statistics! A thousand people died in New Zealand this week! Sad! But that happens every week and we don't close down because of it! We send the kids to school, we go about our lives, we open for business and pay the minimum wage which by the way is crippling the economy! But of course Ardern won't listen to sense! What is she, deaf? She needs one of those signers to deliver a message! What's the sign for an exclamation mark?

Duncan Garner

Two words that no one ever thought I would ever say about anything: no comment.

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