KEY POINTS:
Lurking throughout the country there exists a cell of people who share a common bond, one which dare not speak its name. These people are everywhere.
They live in our communities, work alongside you, sit next to you on the bus and queue by you at the supermarket.
Outwardly they look just like you and me but they're not.
Some are male, many are female but they are united by one common bond: They could not give a rat's about the Rugby World Cup.
Not so much anti-rugby as bored by the game, this group of people would as soon watch the All Blacks in the Rugby World Cup than Michael Cullen would part with his surplus.
While many a grown man's (and woman's) eyes are beginning to go misty with the thought of the All Blacks spilling blood, other people are silently waiting for it all to be over already, regardless of the outcome.
It may be only every four years but for these people, Saturday marks the start of 43 days of pure unrelenting, media saturating rugby hell.
But all is not lost if you are a rugby-bored singleton. Shopping malls will be less cluttered, supermarkets can be guaranteed to be empty at certain times and you can drive the highways and byways with abandon knowing all the other gas guzzlers are ensconced in front of the television.
But if you are the boyfriend or (most likely) girlfriend of a rugby nut, then escape is not an option.
Auckland based registered psychologist Sara Chatwin said the most important thing a partner of a rugby supporter could do was not resent them for it.
"Don't hold it against your significant other. If they want to sit bolt upright watching the live games and the reruns at all hours, let them, don't get hung-up on what they choose to do. Don't make the Rugby World Cup your nemesis.
"We have had such great sporting success in this area that there is a certain expectation on the team but we shouldn't define ourselves by our sporting success."
And remember - the Rugby World Cup has a shelf life.
"It will end."
Top 10 survival tips
1. Don't talk during the game or ask questions if you don't understand what's going on - best to feign knowledge through silence. And don't save your talking up for half-time, that's for the commentary team not you.
2. Three minutes to fulltime, the score tied, with a drop-kick all that's standing between the All Blacks winning ... it's not the time to ask whether you should go to his parents for Christmas or yours.
3. No matter how cute and fit you find those finely tuned and highly skilled professional athletes, keep the "Phwoar!!" comments to a minimum. It only validates his ogling the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. Also be sensitive if you are captivated by all those toned manly thighs - oh those thighs - it may not be appreciated if your partner has spent the past month eating chicken wings and drinking beer on the sofa.
4. Tap into emotional blackmail. Now is the time to splurge on all those "must have" items which rising interest rates and shaky finance companies have put paid to. Neglect should have its financial rewards.
5. Harmless language can have a loaded meaning during the RWC. "Food-poisoning", "out with injury" and "choking" should not be bandied about during All Black games, they will not see the funny side.
6. Don't ask your partner to explain the breakdown of the scrum. Not only will it confuse you but it will only prove that he doesn't understand it either.
7. Have distractions on hand should the worst happen. Snacks, toys, tissues, a comfort blanket, a tape of the 1987 RWC win, anything which will help ease the agony of another four years lost.
8. Do not underestimate the importance of replayed games and highlights packages. It may seem like watching paint dry to you but, as we know, once is never enough for a man. Likewise, if you hear a result from another pool match let him find out on his own - especially if it involves France, South Africa or Australia storming to yet another on-form victory.
9. Accept you will attend social gatherings, which do not revolve around rugby, by yourself until the tournament is over. This includes anything involving births, deaths and marriages. And do not invite your rugby-hating friends around to the house while the games are on, especially if they have children.
10. Be ready to celebrate if the All Blacks win. You may be a fair-weather-friend but fans will be so relieved it's not another four years in the wilderness all will be forgiven.
- NZPA
