Solo dad: 'I'm not a second-class citizen'

Do New Zealand's solo fathers get a fair go? Photo / Steven McNicholl

The results of a study into the place of solo fathers in New Zealand's society has led to a public debate among nzherald.co.nz readers.

The Father and Child Trust study of men in Auckland and Christchurch found that like many solo mothers, solo dads also felt isolated. Most also reported feeling unsupported by social support agencies such as Plunket.

Men accounted for 24,000 of the 140,000 New Zealanders who identified themselves as solo parents in the 2006 census.

Aucklander Daniel Phillips told the Herald he had met a number of solo fathers and they all believed they were looked down on for raising their children alone.

"I look at it through my eyes - it takes more of a man to stand up for his children than it does for a man to just go to work and put his baby in care."

Readers on the nzherald.co.nz Facebook page were asked if they believed solo dads were given a fair go by society.

"I'm not a second-class citizen," wrote Dave Graham, the father of a teenage boy.

"But it sure feels that way most of the time."

Mr Graham said during his son's lifetime, he had seen and experienced some "bizarre" situations.

"To some people, it's just not okay to leave employment to look after your children if you are male."

Brendan McCutchan, who has shared responsibility for his child's care with his ex-partner, said it was difficult for him to obtain agency support.

"The paperwork involved is silly," he wrote.

"I had to prove with a signature from my ex that I have shared care, but she didn't need anything from me when she started on the DPB."

Michelle Watt disagreed that there was equality in isolation.

"Solo dads seem to be looked upon more kindly. There's the 'aw cute' factor when a dad takes responsibility for his kids," she wrote.

"[It's'] not the same for a solo mother."

Nikki Webb clarified that sentiment. She argued that solo dads were treated as "heroes" for staying with their children while solo mothers, while receiving benefits not as easily accessible to men, were regarded as "slappers."

"There are good and bad [aspects of treatment] to both sides, so you just have to deal with it."

Aliesha Rowe, soon to be a solo mother herself, wrote that the situation was both "fair and unfair" to solo parents in general.

She wrote that solo mothers were treated like heroes, but some used their children "like weapons" in grudges against the fathers.

"The issue is that our Government takes everything under a generic umbrella when every case needs to be assessed seperately to allow what is best for the child."

Mandy Duncan took the opportunity to praise her father, who raised her and her brother after their mother left the family in the 1970s.

"It was frowned on then, but he did a great job and I would have it no other way."