"I have a petition here signed by 487 people," Donnell said. "That might not sound like many, but it's most of the people I know, so extrapolating that through the rest of the population, who I don't know, I would say the idea has at least 75 per cent support."
He had rescued the beady eye from some forgotten corner of a warehouse and had it propped on the chair next to him. Also, he'd given all the councillors Santa hats and a few of them had put them on.
"Oh good," said Cr Penny Hulse when he'd finished. "Let's put the creepy back into Christmas."
"What an example to the youth of Auckland," said Cr Desley Simpson, although she didn't say if she meant Donnell, Santa or the council itself.
"Thank you," said Goff, wiping his hands on a napkin. "You're a legend in your own mind."
Donnell got them all to gather for a photo, which they did, even putting on their Santa hats for the occasion. Cr Josephine Bartley stayed in her seat, although she did wear the hat.
"I almost forgot," said Goff when they sat down again. "We need a motion that Hayden's petition be filed in the appropriate place."
"Thank you," said Donnell.
"Which is a receptacle about yay high and round," said Goff.
What do you want from this? I asked Donnell afterwards. He looked perplexed. The question did not seem to make any sense to him at all.
What he wants, I think, is to strike a perfect balance between political pressure and pranking. To make a gesture where it's impossible to know if it's one or the other. I think. It's in the nature of such a gesture that I can't know if I'm right.
Sadly, it turns out there's a bunch of Christmas Grinches holed up on Princes Wharf in some of the apartments and businesses there, who've been training their own beady eyes on the changes coming to Quay St.
They're off to court to stop the construction work now underway because it's ruining their businesses, or they weren't properly informed about it, or reducing the traffic to a single lane each way is going to destroy the fabric of society. Take your pick, they're all as nonsensical as each other.
I wondered for a moment if they were pranking us too, but turns out no.
It's very true the roadworks have been disruptive. It's also true Auckland Transport might have done more to encourage Quay St commuters not to use their cars or to take another route. Though it's surprising more didn't work that out for themselves.
But it's not true businesses in the Viaduct are suffering because of the Quay St work. The traffic may be queued up but the pedestrian areas have been completely filled with people.
The roadworks are being done for several reasons, one of which is that the seawall under the edge of Quay St needs repair. That work is essential.
They are also being done to make that part of Quay St a more appealing pedestrian-focused plaza, to attract more people to the area, which will mean more customers for local businesses.
The serious disruption will happen in the quietest time of the year, straight after Christmas, and that's what the objectors want to stop. If they succeed, they will put more pressure on the far busier times of the year. What civic responsibility.
The objections look like nothing more than attempts by a few, who already have special waterfront access on Princes Wharf, to stop the many from gaining more enjoyment from their waterfront. Remember, we're talking about public space here – wharves and potentially beautiful streets.
In fact, I've got a better idea. How about they close the public part of that hideous Princes Wharf car park and free up the area to the public? Why should non-essential cars be allowed on the wharf at all?
Meanwhile, in a far truer sign of the times, the Commercial Bay development on the city side of Quay St will open next year. With 10,000 workers and just 300 car parks.
The future of this city is not being built on the assumption that everyone will drive everywhere.
At Auckland Transport's own premises, where you'd expect them to provide a lead, they don't provide any staff parking at all.
That's part of the big picture of this changing city. But there are still so many little things AT struggles to get right. At Midtown, a very busy stop at all times, when one of the shelters got broken they responded by just taking out the seats. What part of looking after customers does that conform to?
And did you hear what they did to HOP cards top-ups?
Selwyn College year 9 student Miles Hallam also fronted up to council last week, along with his mum Lisa-Marie, with not a hint of a prank. He wanted HOP card top-ups to be reinstated in dairies.
AT took that away a few months ago because, Lisa-Marie said, they reckon it's just fine to top-up online or at one of the larger train stations.
Miles wasn't having it. He catches the bus to school and to get around town. He and his mother both expect him to be able to manage his own money, which doesn't include large online transactions. It's a waste of his money and time to go to a train station.
AT's policies, he thought, should be geared to help young people. This one just makes things harder.
The councillors agreed. Cr Josephine Bartley said they should be geared to help local businesses too, and reported on complaints she'd fielded from dairy owners in Onehunga who want to keep selling HOP top-ups.
AT, said Lisa-Marie Hallam, has not responded meaningfully to their repeated requests for a review of the policy.
Auckland is moving forwards, and it's an easy city to have fun in. But there's such foolishness too. Auckland Transport's capacity to take little steps in the wrong direction is one of the more disappointing stories of the municipal year.
Could Hayden Donnell get that beady eye and beckoning finger trained on them?
